I am not a career counselor. I do not work at a college career center. But if experience really is the best teacher, I should be receiving the “figuring out your future” degree any day now. While my classmates seemed to have a better idea of what they were doing with their life, I fluctuated from having a million things I’d like to do, to not feeling interested in any career choice. And I didn’t always know where to look for guidance. It really is a shame that we live life going forward, but only understand it looking backward. In an effort to make mental sense of my experience, I wrote a cathartic letter to myself filled with insights about jam and staircases I wish I had known a year earlier.
Give Yourself a Reasonable Number of Jam Jars: fighting the “you can do anything” syndrome
There’s a difference between all the things you could do versus the things you should do. I could join the circus, and I could become an investment banker. But just being able to do something isn’t a good enough reason to do it. This can get trickier when the things that you could do are what seem like the things you’re “supposed to do.” Got a degree in psychology? Becoming a practicing psychologist should at least be an option on the table, right? Not necessarily. Depends on what makes sense for you. It can be easy to fall into the trap of not being critical about your options in the name of “keeping your options open.”
For another way to eliminate excessive mind clutter about options in your future, recognize that realistically you probably have fewer options than you think you do. Of course, I could become a medical doctor, but that would mean I’d have to somehow make up for not being a pre-med student in undergrad. Do I really want to do that? No. So there’s one less option.
Remember, both self-discovery and motivation don’t just lead to action, they are caused by action. Don’t sit around and think about it, gain insights and work things out on paper. It’s like that experiment with the jars of jams. When there is an overwhelming number of flavors, it’s harder to make a purchase. When there’s a reasonable number of choices, the variety is exciting rather than overwhelming.
Don’t Be a Writer Who Doesn’t Write: starting with why
Think through the difference between liking the idea of a given life/profession/field and liking the day-to-day experience. I found this one was trickiest with the kinds of jobs I romanticized or found appealing when I was younger. For example, at around the time I really fell in love with reading in early middle school I thought working with books might be exciting. In particular, I romanticized the idea of becoming a writer and thought working in publishing could be another way to be around books more. But the thing is, I don’t write. Can’t be a writer who doesn’t write, and it doesn’t make sense to work in publishing just to be around books. What are the actual job functions here? What does a writer or someone working in publishing do day-to-day? It’s like my fantasied ideas of these jobs stopped me from thinking about the actual work.
It’s helpful to try writing down everything you’ve ever been interested in — for me, this included the obscure things like when my kindergarten self thought I wanted to be a kindergarten teacher. Now, next to each of those things, write down why you were interested in that option. You might find that you liked different opportunities for similar reasons. Then why not try pursuing that reason instead of all the different ways that reason gets manifested in action. Start with why.
Sometimes the thing we’re most afraid to admit we’re passionate about, or the thing that makes our self-confidence waver might make us feel that way because we care. Don’t ignore the options that scare you, that worry might be a sign that this could be something you really want to see yourself succeed in.
What does brand “you” look like? How do you pitch yourself? Creating a narrative that connects your past and your present may help continue the story to what would be meaningful and “make sense” in the future portion of your personal narrative. Don’t be afraid to literally practice telling the story of “you” out loud with some friends.
Things Aren’t Always What You Think They Are: reframing questions and failures
Try reframing the question. We ask each other “What do you want to do when you grow up?” and “What is it that you do?” If these questions paralyze you by making you think, “Well, since I guess I could do anything, how do I pick one?” see if the question “Who do you want to be?” offers any new insight. Rather than making everything about the job title (because jobs come and go anyway), think of how what you’re doing brings you closer to your ideal self. Which of your skills and talents do you want to explore? Which of your values do you want to live out? What do you want to learn? These are the sorts of questions that guide who you become. Let your work deliver you one step closer to that best version of yourself.
Here’s another reframe: rather than choose the perks you want in your future, choose what struggles and challenges you’re most willing to face. Things like amount of money or status, and kind of career field could all be either a plus or a negative for you personally. There will probably always be a few negatives (unless you score your ultimate dream job on the first try, in which case I applaud you). Choose the struggles that are acceptable to you and that you may even come to enjoy working on.
I went through a phase of applying to things I was technically qualified for, but that I didn’t actually care for. In some cases, I realized my utter lack of interest by myself when I noticed how much I was dreading the interview beyond the normal level of interview anxiety. In other cases, the hiring manager caught my lack of fit before I did. Rejection never feels good. In my feelings of disappointment, I failed to realize that in a way the hiring manager was doing me a favor. They could tell that either I was on the right track but wasn’t qualified yet, or that I just wasn’t a good fit for the role. Other people can sniff out insincerity pretty quickly, and in a way, you’re lucky if someone catches you applying to something you don’t really want to be doing. The workplace can be like a person, and we all like to be liked. When you really care about an opportunity you might start forming a little crush on the job and company. It’ll show, and the receiving party will take note of your interest. (By the way, this is where sincere networking shines.)
Use Others Wisely: being smart about gathering advice and gaining respect
When your friends and family make comments about what they could see you doing in the future, don’t focus on the job title they throw out, but do pay attention to the qualities they see in you and are highlighting in the potential future they’re assigning to you. Sometimes the people around us can help us narrow down our strengths.
Choose what’s going to influence your decisions about your future. If you need to step back from peer pressure or influence from family and friend, do it. If you’d rather do some reading on making life decisions and let that guide you, try it. If you have a mentor who can help you figure out what you’re thinking rather than telling you what they would do in your place, work with them.
On the topic of outside influences: it’s natural to want to make others proud of you. It might even seem like a certain kind of work is the only way this person will be proud of your life decisions. But you can’t read other people’s minds. Instead let others be proud of you for being self aware, taking your future seriously, believing in yourself, and being true to who you are. That’s a lot to be proud of.
Have Confidence in Your Staircase: growing fortitude and a long-term vision
There may come a time when you realize that what you really want to be doing in your heart of hearts you can’t do — yet. You thought maybe you could get your dream job, but that dream job might actually be a few jobs away from where you are now. When you realize you can’t jump to the top of your metaphorical future staircase, it doesn’t mean you need to find a new staircase to climb. It can be easy for your self-confidence to take a hit and to become disheartened into thinking maybe you chose the wrong staircase. But don’t confuse the wrong staircase with the wrong step. This may not be a question of picking a different staircase, instead, it’s probably about picking what a possible first step could look like. If you can’t get that job as an editor, it doesn’t mean you need to start hotel management. Instead, figure out what you can do to fill the gaps to get to the top of the staircase you care about most. And if you really did pick a good staircase for you, you should enjoy the steps of the staircase as well as the top. This can be another way to test the waters on if you’re picking a good future for you.
Continuing the staircase analogy, when you’re doubting which staircase to choose, don’t put off choosing by thinking that the first step of any staircase looks the same. For example, if you need to save up a bit of money first, just picking anything that makes you money shouldn’t be used to avoid picking a path. There’s little point in picking something to do just to kill time. You could pick something to do that makes you money and also gives you experience in an area you have an interest in, for example. With your first few steps especially, you can multitask on what you get out of taking that step.
And Finally, …
There is something nice about feeling like the world’s your oyster, having options, and seeing a future full of possibility. But when it gets down to the crunch time it can really suck to see other people making commitments to their future that you’re not in a position to make just yet. I’m sorry it sucks. But it’s probably better to be self aware now rather than regret making a choice for the sake of choosing stability rather than for the choice itself. We all say it’ll work out in the end — it might sound trite in the moment, but it really is true.
