The 128th stage of grief

I am pissed. At him. For dying.

It is not consciously intentional. For some reason my anger is directed towards him

My life in general is worse without him in it… and that’s how it going to stay until it’s my turn to exit.

My turn. It’s always seemed so theoretical. Like something in the far future that may happen. Everybody’s gonna die. But its not something you seriously consider. Until now.

I keep going back to that day and playing different scenarios in my head that maybe would have ended differently. Problem is, someone had already decided that he shouldn’t be here.

But still, I am mad. At him. For not being here.

I’ve been through the shock. It is yet to sink in. I don’t know when it will or how I’ll know it has.

That’s as far as I’ve gotten.

Now, I’m just mad.