Get back in your box, Karen
Disclaimer: I am British, and this article criticizes how Karen is typically used in the UK. I am told that the “Karen” reference has a different meaning in US English; that is not what I am referring to in this piece.
If you’re internet savvy, then you’re undoubtedly aware of what a “Karen” is. It’s a reference to a middle-age woman who is often seen complaining about something trivial. For example, “Karens” can often be seen asking to speak to the manager in supermarkets, usually concerning something minor like frozen peas. I find the reference to “Karens” to be both misogynistic and ageist. Ageist because this insult is only ever levied at middle aged women; misogynistic because men are never “called out” when they complain. As far as I can see, the purpose of the “Karen” meme seems to be to shame older women into sitting down, shutting up, and not calling out the bullshit that regularly gets thrown at them. It is no secret that when women call out bullshit, they are often disbelieved and subsequently villainised. This disbelief and vilification are two of the things that have led to the crass success of the “Karen” meme. Men are allowed to be “Karens”; they are expected to speak up for their rights, and that’s probably why their rights are taken more seriously than women’s are. Men like Gordan Ramsay who aggressively demand better service are labelled as entertaining and are widely respected. Can you imagine if a woman acted the way Gordan Ramsay does in a shitty hotel? I think the internet would explode! And that is precisely why we need to bin references like “Karens”, or at least stop seeing them so negatively.
The brilliant Hadley Freeman wrote a history of the “Karen” meme and the problems with it recently (https://www.theguardian.com/fashion/2020/apr/13/the-karen-meme-is-everywhere-and-it-has-become-mired-in-sexism). “Karens” are generally presented as self-centred and with a bad haircut. Like other derogatory terms, such as “hag” and “battleaxe”, “Karen” seems to be reserved for women over thirty, i.e. women that are no longer considered to be conventionally attractive. Furthermore, the self-centred attitude of “Karens” is presented as making them unfuckable and thus even more unattractive.
The Karen meme is lazy and crude. The way I see it, “Karen” has become a lazy dumping ground for all the grievances that humans have against people generally. As usual, women are taking the brunt of this. As a student, I worked in retail for many years, and yes, you do encounter lots of shitty, self-centred, customers. However, shitty customers aren’t only middle-aged women, they come from every demographic. Therefore, I don’t understand why middle-aged women are being treated as if they’re solely responsible for the problems associated with working in retail. They aren’t. Some middle-aged women are, but most aren’t, as with every other demographic.
A lot of the people who refer to women as “Karens” are young women. Therefore, some have argued that this reference isn’t misogynistic. After all, how can it be misogynistic when it is used by women themselves? The reality is that women can be misogynists too. However, in my experience, young women tend to realize the perils of being misogynistic as they grow older. I’m a woman who recently became middle-aged, and I think that many people would probably consider me to be a “Karen” because I’m no longer afraid to speak my mind. However, my outspoken nature isn’t something that I’m ashamed of; it’s actually something that I am proud of. As a younger woman, I wasn’t confident enough to stick up for myself when I needed to. This was because of how I, and females generally, are socialized. We are taught from infancy to be ladylike, subservient, and polite. We’re taught that ladies don’t ask to speak to the manager in supermarkets like “Karens” do. We are also taught that women like “Karen” are unattractive and unfuckable. Which, how dare they be? However, as I’ve grown older, I’ve realized that these rules don’t apply, and never have applied, to my male peers. Men are allowed to complain in supermarkets, and nobody calls them out for doing so. I’ve even seen young men called “brave” for speaking up when they weren’t happy about the service that they received. In contrast, women are ridiculed and called “Karens”. This is because society expects women to sit down, shut up, and be subservient to men. You’re only allowed to be a “feisty” woman (i.e. a “Karen”) if you’re good-looking or rich.
Throughout my twenties, I naively conformed to the ladylike socialization imposed onto young women. I rarely complained. I sat down and shut up, just as I’d been instructed to do. Additionally, I often looked down upon the women that did stand up for themselves, which is what we are encouraged to do with cultural references such as “Karens”. However, as I’ve made the transition from my twenties to my thirties, my attitude towards women has changed for the better. I have myself become a “Karen”. Moreover, I’m fucking proud to be a Karen! I feel like I’ve earned it. Now that I’m older, it is often younger women looking down upon me, as the patriarchy has taught them to do.
When you’re in your twenties, it’s very easy to be a “cool girl”. That is, it’s easy to be ladylike and subservient to men. When you’re in your twenties, you look good, you’re carefree, you’re optimistic, and you’re often free of responsibilities. Men want to date you, companies want to hire you, and most people are instinctively nice to you. Your life is great without you even trying. Because of this, you don’t understand what older women are complaining about. You think that they need to chill out. You think that it is their attitude that is the problem, not society’s unfair expectations of females. You think that older women were born bitter, and that they were always “Karens”, which is usually not the case. You tell men that you won’t be a “Karen” when you’re older. You believe that you’ll always be a “cool girl”.
But then you turn thirty and your looks smart to fade. Men start paying less attention to you, people aren’t as friendly to you, and you no longer have as many job offers as you once did. You realize that your youth and naivety gave you a free pass to the world. You also realize that being a “cool girl” will no longer get you anywhere. If you want things, you now need to shout for them. If you don’t, then you’ll simply fade away into the background. The men who stood up for you when you were a young woman have grown bored of you. That’s when you start to become a “Karen”.
It’s not “Karens” you should be angry at, it’s society. It’s no secret that middle-aged women are devalued, but they absolutely shouldn’t be. They are our mothers, our friends, our teachers, our nurses. In reality, those usually called “Karens” are older women who do the lionshare of the wifework. They often hold families together. The Karen haircut is a low-maintenance haircut. Why? Maybe because “Karens” are busy women. The meme is very “How dare she?” but “How dare she what?” Have an opinion? Stand up for herself? Well, please tell me why she shouldn’t stick up for herself? Why should she have to put up with bad service?
“It’s just a meme…” Well yes, it is. But would you want this to happen to your own name? I doubt it. Many people use this meme with vindictive glee, seemingly enjoying the way it winds up older women. But please don’t forget that millions of real women are actually called “Karen”, and this whole situation can’t be very nice for them. Personally, every Karen that I know is absolutely lovely and really doesn’t deserve to be associated with the derogatory Karen meme. All women are individuals, and no woman is a meme.
I’m proud to be a “Karen”, and so should all other “Karens” be. If you’re not a “Karen”, that’s okay too, but don’t hate on those who are. If you want to direct your hate at someone, then why not direct it at the archaic, patriarchal, system that forces both men and women into these pointless roles? These roles don’t benefit anyone, except the system itself. I love women, and so I love “Karens”. Let’s make Karen cool again and stop this silly meme.
Please note: The photographs used came from Google Images, and I wasn’t able to find the original credit for them. If you own the images, please contact me and I will happily add your credit or remove them.
