Why President Trump Should Use Snapchat instead of Twitter

Dear Mr. President,

I know you are very busy. I will make this brief. There is a very popular social media app the kids are using these days. It’s called Snapchat. It has a picture of a little ghost on a yellow background for a logo. It looks like this:

The little ghost. It’s empty because… we’ll cover that next.

I know, I know, I can hear you asking, “But why aren’t they using Twitter? Twitter is the best.”

I agree, Twitter is pretty great. It lets you quickly send out short messages that your followers can read and share or retweet. You can tweet directly at other celebrities like Kristin Stewart and Robert Pattison, Kid Rock, Sarah Palin, or Barack Obama. Most importantly, everybody gets the message. China, Russia, North Korea, Iran, they all get the messages, right away. Lots of other people get the message as well… our allies in all over the world, and of course, major news networks like CNN, FOX, the Washington Post, and the New York Times.

The thing about tweets, though, the thing about tweets… they don’t go away. Unless you manually delete them, tweets stick around. I’m sure you’ve probably noticed that a lot of your tweets end up on TV or in the news. That’s because it’s really easy for anyone to find them, quote them, screenshot them, or link to them. There is even an entire website devoted just to archiving your tweets, www.trumptwitterarchive.com, all 31,000 of them.

You won’t have that problem with Snapchat. Trust me. That’s why kids love it! You can say stuff, whatever pops into your head, and send it in a “snap” to whomever you want. After they read it, it will disappear, just like a ghost! (Ghosts can turn invisible). Your parents won’t find out what you’ve been talking about with your friends. And, even better, most parents don’t even know how to USE Snapchat or why it has an empty ghost for its logo (but we do, right?).

Snapchat also has these things called “stories” that are like tweet storms, except that they also disappear after 24 hours. So you can write about whatever most expresses your inner truth in the moment, like “Rosie Odonnell is a loser,” or “Mexicans love me,” or “@NewYorkTimes is fake news,” and *POOF* it will be gone the next day! So if you change your mind, you can speak your new truth of the day, or you can say the same thing all over again to make it sound really truthful — it’s up to you — either way, you won’t have to worry about people using your truths against you five years later or next week — or even in 24 hours, 1 minute, and 32 seconds. There just won’t be a record. It’ll be like your Snaps never existed. Unlike tax records, you won’t have to hide anything, they’ll hide themselves. So you can just cut loose and be yourself. That’s why I really think Snapchat is your platform. You are a Snapchat president.

I think you’re the kind of guy that lives in the moment and responds to things as they come up. The kind of guy who says what’s on your mind. You need a social media platform that’s just as snappy as you are. One that lets you make mistakes and doesn’t begrudge them of you. You need a place that can forgive and forget, just as you forgive and forget losers and haters.

But Twitter just doesn’t let you do that. It holds mistakes over your head. If you are like the rest of us, I’m sure there are some tweets you wish you hadn’t written. I bet there are probably a few, just a few, that you wish had stayed more private. Perhaps some of your more impassioned tweets about “Robsten,” or maybe one of the 31 tweets in which you blamed vaccines for autism, or what about the time you tweeted un-ironically that you were the greatest tweeter in the world…

That time you tweeted, un-ironically that you were the greatest tweeter in the world.

…Or, the other time you tweeted un-ironically that you were the greatest tweeter in the world…?

The other time you tweeted un-ironically that you were the greatest tweeter in the world.

… um…

…On second thought, maybe Twitter IS your platform after all…maybe you don’t regret a single character.