Know your enemy
Sun Tzu, a Chinese military general, strategist, and philosopher, once said “Know thy enemy and know yourself; in a hundred battles, you will never be defeated.”
To win an argument is not only about finding strength and coherence in your opinions.
How can you effectively argue for your side if you don’t understand the arguments of the other? — Ben Casnocha
Try to understand the opposite’s perspectives. Develop a curiosity about why others think in a very different world. Ask what the thought process behind your opposition is. Ask even more. Ask the correlation between A and B that your opposition said. Seek for evidence they hold.
However, always remember that you are not with an intention of crushing down your partner — finding their weaknesses and becoming the sole winner.
Yes, they are enemies, enemies of your ideas. But this doesn’t mean a war that sacrifices your relationship.
Instead, have a motivation of building alignment — finding common grounds. When you understand their different perspectives, maybe there’s something you have to adapt or something you need to give up.
Turn your enemy into a dance partner.
Adam Grant says in his book, Think Again.
“A good debate is not a war. It’s not even a tug-of-war, where you can drag your opponent to your side if you pull hard enough on the rope. It’s more like a dance that hasn’t been choreographed, negotiated with a partner who has a different set of steps in mind. If you try too hard to lead, your partner will resist. If you can adapt your moves to hers, and get her to do the same, you’re more likely to end up in rhythm.”
Source:
Grant, Adam. Think Again (p. 104). Penguin Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
