5 Candle Scents That Tell Your Roommate You’re Doing Some Freaky Sex Stuff
So you and your loved one just watched a rousing marathon of The King of Queens and that ol’ Kevin James has got you horny as a toad-man. Unfortunately, your roommate is due home any minute and they have a knack for barging into your room.
Forget those old tacky methods of letting your roommate know you’re skin smashing with your partner. You know what I mean: a tie on the doorknob, a sock in the toilet, a fire in the oven. Instead, invest in one of these sweet candle scents that will let your roommate know that concentrated areas of your body are becoming wet and sticky (we mean sex!):
1. Virginia Candle’s PATCHOULI DORMROOM
One whiff of this Deadhead drenched wax ball and your roommate will know something slap-tastic is happening in your bedroom. Surely they’ll stop before the bedroom and think, ‘fornication is a likely event past this door.’
2. Yankee Candle’s DONG BALLS
Yankee Candle’s premiere perfume designer Romeo Duveteux describes this pungent firestorm as “that sweaty place between balls and dong.” Hence the name. One sniff of this burnt hair and copper smell and your roommate will know love is beyond the horizon.
3. Colonial Candle’s FUNK SMACK
Reverberating through your sex den are moans, groans, and skin wobbles that could only mean one thing: in-and-out-time. But for an unknowing roommate, it could just be adult VHS tapes playing through your Dolby Digital. And who wants to miss that? Thankfully, Funk Smack’s elegant notes of blood and raw sewage will slap across your roommate’s face and remind them you don’t own adult VHS tapes- only old reruns of Teletubbies.
4. The White Barn Candle Co’s LAVENDER VANILLA
Only the sickest and most disturbed people enjoy this creamy white candle. We suggest buying this in secluded stores wearing a fake mustache. We’d hate to have your reputation ruined.
5. Slatkin & Co’s FRESH FISH
MM..MMM.. The only trouble with Slatkin & Co’s tribute to the rotten coastline is that you might grow an appetite in the middle of your baby-making deeds. We suggest frying up a few filets of tilapia and having them at your bedside during your romping rituals. That way, you can turn your moment of passion into a ménage à tilapia. Leave a filet for your roommate at the foot of your door, and we guarantee they’ll get the hint.
