Yes I Own a Boat. No You Cannot See My Boat.

Wow. That’s a silly question, but sure, I’ll answer: yes, I do own a boat. And sorry to disappoint, but no, you cannot see it.

Why not?

Because it’s a boat, not a piece of art in a museum, and I don’t just let frigging yokels gawk at it. Although to be honest, my boat could be in a museum. I painted it myself with glitter. It’s got a bunch of flames and skulls on it, too. They help scare away water gypsies.

Duh, it’s got all the sails and ropes it needs. Like ten sails and five ropes. Of course it’s got an engine, it’s a frigging boat, isn’t it? All boats have engines. The engine takes up like half the boat and that’s a good thing.

You’re goddamn right it’s fast. It’s the fastest flipping boat in the whole bay. Bay and back in twenty or thirty minutes, depending if that dingus coast guard isn’t cruising up my butt.

If you can’t see my boat, of course you can’t ride in my boat. Absolutely out of the question. Are you even allowed by the coast? You look sick. Un-healthy.

The coast has everything. Beach, babes, and burgers, like in the movies. And if you got a boat at the bay you’ll snatch a babe in no time. I would know. My girlfriend is Sarah Michelle Gellar.

Speaking of which, I have a date in 10 minutes and it’s all the way up the coast! So, come on, could you spare me a dollar or not?