As it is so frequent with pregnant women, the pregnant lady had developed many strange cravings, but particularly one for the Big Tasty: a speciality choice from McDonalds menu. The word ‘big’ found in the burgers title was highly deserved, as containing 890 calories, is was the most calorific thing on the brands menu. The word tasty on the other hand, was a slight exaggeration. Night and day she would crave these mammoth beefy constructions and soon gave in, devouring them in large quantities. At the beginning of the week she dabbled with just one, but this soon escalated into two, sometimes three a day by the end of the week. It was at this time she became noticed by the McDonald’s management. On the Monday of the following week, she arrived about lunchtime in order to consume her first soggy burger of the day. As she approached the counter an old lady greeted her.

“Hello madam, how can I help” she said in a warm friendly tone, “two Big Tasty’s please” the pregnant lady replied. Instead of the usual “certainly madam, would you like bacon in that?” the old lady muttered something completely different, “You’re pregnant aren’t you?” she said smiling confidently. “You know we have a special deal on for pregnant ladies. A very special deal indeed”. Her words were slow, but intrigued the pregnant lady. “Go on…” she said warily. “Well, we don’t usually advertise this, but pregnant women can eat for free at McDonald’s, but you have to follow these two conditions. If the child you bare is born a boy you must name him Donald, and when he reaches legal age he must start his career here at McDonalds. If you comply, you can have free McDonalds for life”. Strangely enough, the woman had already known that her child was a boy, as she had recently gone to have the gender of her child checked. Even stranger was the fact that Donald was her father’s name, and was a strong contender for the baby’s name. The old lady seemed harmless enough so she agreed jokily, mainly to kill the conversation and to receive her order.

Seventeen years later, a seventeen-year-old Donald was walking down his local high street. With shops either side, his peripheral vision was full of a variety of different people. People shopping, people driving and people just generally milling about killing time. Even though activity was everywhere, Donald’s teenage vision only allowed him to see a small part of the population, mainly the teenage girl element. Bird watching Donald called it, much to his adolescent joy. It was after a hefty two-hour ‘bird watching’ session that he decided to get something to eat. At this point, a dilemma had arisen, as he was two shops away from McDonalds, but four away from KFC. He was torn. In the end, his teenage laziness got the better of him as he walked two shops down to the closer establishment.

As he entered, he routed around in his pocket for change. He only found a meagre amount, just enough for one item on the £1 menu. He looked at the board, took note of what he wanted and walked to the counter. Without looking at the cashier he made his order and waited for the usual response. “That’s not much is it?” the old woman said, “A boy like you needs to eat more, in order to grow big and strong, you want to grow up strong don’t you boy?”

Donald was stunned for two reasons, firstly because he was not too good at thinking on his feet, and secondly, because he was scared to talk to women regardless of their age. “I don’t get much pocket money, and I don’t have a job. This is all the money I have left for the week” he stuttered. “Well you’re in luck boy, as we need new staff here, and guess what? You get a discount on all McDonalds goods as well”. She licked her lips at the idea of discounted McDonalds as if this was the big selling point. As Donald contemplated the offer, she continued talking about the benefits of the job and eventually asked if he wanted a trial shift. He agreed, all be it reluctantly. “Come back tonight when the shop is shut. I’ll show you the ropes”

That evening, when the restaurant was closed, Donald returned. He was shown in through a side door by a huge looming character that only grunted. The giant man led him through a maze of baps, cheese slices and oven chips to a door of a broken freezer. As he entered, he saw the old lady and a man lying tied up on the floor next to her. “Oh hello Donald” said the old lady in a friendly manner. It was at this moment that he was struck on the back of the leg and thrown to the floor. Before he knew it, he too was tied up lying on the floor next to this unknown man. “I said I’d show you the ropes!” she laughed to her own amusement. “You said that same joke to me and it wasn’t funny then either”, the unknown man said lying next to him. She stopped laughing suddenly and casually kicked him in the ribs. As he was rolling in pain she explained what was going on. As Donald had now guessed, they weren’t really hiring. The old lady told them of her plan that in the morning they were to be minced mixed with egg and used to form the patties used in their burgers. She revealed her intent so casually, so flippantly, Donald thought that she must have done this many, many times before. “Anyway, night-night boys, see you in the morning!” she cackled whilst leaving. As he heard door slam, Donald immediately began to cry.

“Stop crying boy” said the man sternly.

“Why not? I’m going to die in the morning!” and as soon as he finished the sentence, he began to cry even harder.

“You are not going to die you fool, now shut up!”

As Donald’s tears ceased, he asked how the man knew. He revealed that he was a wizard, and the old lady, was a witch. She was a creation of pure evil and had been killing teenage boys for hundreds of years. Over time, he had heard of her actions and had taken it upon himself to stop her. After years of searching, he had finally found her and in the morning he was going to stop this madness. He told Donald his plan and advised him to sleep if he could, as he will need his energy for the morning. Reluctantly, he slept.

The next morning, the gigantic man roughly untying him whilst the old lady watched waked him. His hands freed, he was dragged to the mincer along with the wizard. “Lift him into the machine first” she said pointing at the wizard, “I want the boy to watch”. As the wizard was lifted, he looked down at Donald, took a deep breath and winked. This was a signal for Donald to put his hands over his ears. Whilst he did this, the wizard screamed out his spell. The giant dropped him and got into the mincer, then followed by the old lady, within seconds they were fed through the machine and were no more.

“See I told you, you weren’t going to die!” laughed the wizard. As they had discussed the night before, the wizard was going to use a spell that reversed the witch’s actions. So instead of killing them, they would kill themselves. Donald mustn’t hear the spell and had to cover his ears. This was important to stop the spell working on him. The spell then forced the wicked pair into the blender, allowing Donald and the wizard to escape.

After congratulating each other whilst magically removing fingerprints, they quickly left the restaurant before the staff arrived. They stood outside in the rain and looked at each other amazed.

“Now then boy, there’s just one thing left”

“What’s that?”

“This…”

At that moment, the wizard tapped Donald on both shoulders and all memory was removed from the previous night and especially his newfound — and now lost — knowledge of wizards and witches.