Unanswered Prayers and Addiction

Growing up as a Catholic, converting to Christianity and becoming “born again”, and rejecting the beliefs to explore Buddhism; I often found myself searching more than I was finding response.

As children religion is not an instinctual aspect of our lives. We are introduced to it; or we aren’t. When it is introduced to us, it is from the influence of our elders, whether they are trusted or strangers.

These older humans, whom are taller, stronger, and wiser than us already frighten us as children… “can we trust them?” our instincts ponder. In our infancy we are so free and innocent… yet impressionable to the core.

Good or bad, we are introduced that there is or is not a higher power. A story of creation as to “How” we all got here, and “How” this life came to be. We are taught what is “right” and what is “wrong” ; depicted by the influence and belief of the teacher.

The west will state the east is wrong, the east will state the same of the west; so on and so forth a cycle of love and hate, yin and yang is brewed; and we are left to wonder.

“If I speak to a human, he responds to me, tangibly. When I pray, it is open ended.” Thus, we are introduced to fear, wonder, faith, belief, and equally disbelief.

Emotionally it is a shot in the dark kid. You’ll either grow up with a concrete foundation, or one as solid as sand. You will be released into a public society that is diverse and chaotic; other children will press their beliefs on you and you will either accept them or reject them.

A need for acceptance and belonging await those whom do not have a sense of security and stability in their own homes. If the parents are stressed, over worked, and yet experiencing their own traumatic emotional pain on a daily basis; and not getting the treatment or healing they need, that is the history for you to reap.

For those with a strong household to retreat to are fortunate, the question is will the relationships with their parents become over-bearing, and lead to rebellion, curiosity, and wonder to explore the darker side of the earth. To experience what these forbidden fruit hold.

A small percentage will grow up with no question as to the right or wrongs in life, they will be raised in the way they are bent, appreciated for their own flavor of diversity that this little person as brought to the table. They will know unconditional love from within, to be trained and taught how to handle the resistance and friction that will inevitably present itself from the exterior world.

But this isn’t about them… it’s about those who still wonder.

It’s about the addicted, the righteous, the holier than thou; or the one whom lives off the courtship of compassionate souls.

This journey is about those who are struggling with their inner demons, whom can’t just get everything to make sense. Whom seek a sense of retreat from the reality of life due to such a large amount of emotional pain that they just do not know what to do with.

The thirsty to drink til they drown,
The stressed to suffocation,
The angry to their flame,
The fearful to their flight.

To retreat from pain, to escape it for just a moment. What do these addictive behaviors do for us?

They provide what life simply isn’t providing;

Relief,

Escape,

Fulfillment,

Satisfaction,

Wholeness.

How do we find what we are searching for? To cope with the pain that is difficult to manage?

The itch that makes one feel uncomfortable in their own skin, or the anxiety that makes free time unbearable.

We have to look at everything.

From start to finish. The root manifestation of addictive behaviors can be discovered in childhood trauma. From events that occurred so long ago we may not even realize that they continue to subconsciously rule and control us to this very day.

We must have compassion for ourselves, and develop ourselves in a way that allows us to understand why we are the way we are, and to accept ourselves.

For whatever reasons the circumstances are done, what is done is done, and there is nothing we can do to go back to change that, but none the less it is relevant and it plays a part today.

Everything is relevant.

Wouldn’t you agree?

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