Declaration of Interdependence

Thomas Tran
Jul 24, 2017 · 4 min read

Everyone I have ever met, interacted with either directly or indirectly has had an effect on me or vice versa. I would love to say that where I am, today, is a result of my own hard work, will and determination but that’s a blatant lie. Growing up, I really pushed for my own independence because I felt that it would give me freedom and I would be able to say that “I made it” one day all on my own.

In every acceptance speech for individual accolades (that I have seen) the winner has always been sure to thank their team, support staff, family and anyone else that they can think of.

These are the people in the peaks of their career, professions or possibly lives. Achieving things that others can only dream of. It’s obviously the socially acceptable thing to do and expected of them but would anyone really blame them if they didn’t (bar Connor McGregor)? Imagine being the coach of someone like Michael Phelps. You have to be at the swimming pool with him, watching him doing his thing, wishing you were the one either in the pool or at home with your family. Sometimes you would have to a mentor, parent, coach, no doubt would you have to put almost just as much work as him. Your work is extremely important to his success. Imagine if he wakes up one day and starts to push you away. Thinks that he’s better off without you and doesn’t say as much as a thank you for all that you’ve done. I’d imagine that’s what my parents went through when I was trying to push them away and prove myself to be an independent adult.

Some of their achievements only cap off years upon years of training and dedication. Some of them have been acting, singing or playing their respective sports for longer than I have been alive. Simply put — they put the blood, sweat and tears in — I haven’t yet. Imagine me walking up to someone like Lebron James, beating my chest and telling him that I graduated from university all by myself. Imagine being wrapped up in your ego so tightly that you actually believe that your work is the sole contributor to your achievements. We didn’t do any of it ourselves. It may seem that way because that’s what I wanted to see but that’s because I’m ignoring the friends, family, lecturers, tutors, bus drivers and everyone else that played a hand in helping me graduate.

The Maturity Continuum

Let me run through Steven Covey’s Maturity Continuum quickly

Dependence — focuses on YOU — rely on or be controlled by another.

Independence — focuses on I — freedom from control or support.

Interdependence — focuses on WE — mutually reliant.

When we are born we are naturally dependent on others to survive. As babies we need our parents to feed us, nurture and support us. Covey tells us that as we grow older, our need for independence grows as we try to prove to others and ourselves that we are capable of fending for ourselves and becoming competent adults. Finally, if we are brave enough to be vulnerable and give up our independence then we can being to become interdependent. This is where we take my combination of skills, talents, dreams, combine it with yours and make something awesome.

I’ve always been very competitive- there’s always a winner and loser. If someone wins then there’s nothing left for me. Recently I’ve been thinking more win-win. I know that I’ve been given more allowances, resources and luck than I’ve deserved — definitely more than I’ve needed. Other people’s success doesn’t take anything away from me or inhibit my ability to succeed in my endeavours. There’s more than enough to go around. I can even go as far as helping people with their goals if they are synergistic with mine (big realisation, I know). Think win-win.


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