The statements that you give summarizing your understanding total depravity seem to suggest that you never fully understood the doctrine. I have 101 things I could quibble with you about, but that would get convoluted quite quickly.
Let’s just stick with the total depravity thing. The doctrine of TD is not intended to be a life-long weight on the heart of the believer, it is meant to signal a turning point in the heart of a fallen creature who needs to understand that they need a savior. Once someone is saved and justified by the blood of Christ, the guilt and shame for the person they used to be should be forgotten because they are now made new in Christ, returned to a state of perfect harmony with God.
The fact that you bore an unbearable shame and guilt even after becoming a believer suggests to me that you never really understood what Christ’s work on the cross did for your identity and status, and subsequently, you never really accepted the atonement therein. And now, in search of freedom from that guilt, you have maligned the word of God in an attempt to explain away the guilt that should have been washed away when you accepted Christ as your Lord and Savior.
Lastly, I don’t place any blame on you for this misunderstanding, I believe that the church has failed miserably in explain the doctrine of depravity and justification. I would love to dialogue with you further on this point. I do agree with you that the church has misrepresented its own doctrine, and a reconsideration of how we handle the word of God is in order.