The first core ability of mental fitness
As I started to write this article, the lyrics of one of my favorite Beastie Boys songs kept playing in my head…
I can’t stand it, I know you planned it
I’m gonna set it straight, this Watergate
I can’t stand rocking when I’m in here
’Cause your crystal ball ain’t so crystal clear
So while you sit back and wonder why
I got this ******* thorn in my side
Oh my God, it’s a mirage
I’m tellin’ y’all, it’s a sabotage
There are three core abilities associated with mental fitness:
1) The ability to identify and weaken the unproductive mindsets that create negative emotions.
2) The ability to exercise self-command
3) The ability to appreciate and accept all situations as a gift or opportunity.
This article focuses on the first ability.
One of our brain’s primary functions is to keep us alive and safe. It is optimized to help us avoid anything threatening our safety and well-being. Our brain triggers the same reactions in anticipation of physical threats as it does social or emotional threats. The brain is constantly scanning our environment for signs of threats, and over time, we develop patterns of behavior that attempt to minimize the negative impact of those threats.
When left unchecked, these behavioral tendencies can result in a continuous, negative mindset. Instead of protecting us from harm, this negative mindset acts as a saboteur, working against our best interests. The saboteur mindset may have kept us safe in our early childhood, but as adults, this type of mindset inhibits our ability to learn from our experiences and achieve our potential.
The primary element of the saboteur mindset is the general predisposition to over-emphasize negativity and anticipate negative outcomes. This inner critic acts as a judge, constantly observing what is happening around us. It may cause us to find fault — with others, ourselves, and our environment’s circumstances. It is the root cause of the negative emotions we experience, such as disappointment, anger, regret, guilt, shame, anxiety, etc. In addition to experiencing these emotions as individuals, overreacting to the demands of our inner critic can also negatively impact our relationships.
A quick way to determine whether you are currently in a self-criticizing or judging saboteur mindset is to ask yourself three questions.
What is wrong with me? You continually beat yourself up for past mistakes or current limitations.
What is wrong with you (them, others)? You focus on the flaws of others rather than appreciating the good things about them. You make comparisons of superiority or inferiority.
What is wrong with these circumstances? You believe an outcome is “bad” instead of being open to the possibility of the outcome resulting in a gift or opportunity.
In addition to the judge or inner critic, a continuous, negative mindset is likely the result of additional self-sabotaging behavioral patterns. These behavioral patterns also shape aspects of our personality, such as our source of motivation and our personal styles of responding to challenges.
Motivation
Our sense of motivation comes from three core emotional survival needs: independence, acceptance, and security.
Independence is a need to set boundaries with others and act autonomously.
Acceptance is a need to be perceived favorably by others, leading to acceptance and affection.
Security is a need to control life’s uncertainties (the things that make us anxious) by rejecting or minimizing them.
Reflect: What is your primary source of motivation? How do you feel when you achieve your primary source of motivation? What does it feel like when you cannot achieve your primary source of motivation? Be sure to share your reflections in the comment section.
Style
We exhibit three primary styles as we attempt to meet our emotional needs of independence, acceptance, and security: assert, earn, and avoid.
Those who demonstrate the assertive style take action that demands fulfilling their primary emotional need.
Someone who prefers to earn focuses their energy on fulfilling their immediate emotional need.
Finally, avoiders withdraw from situations (activities, thoughts, feelings, other people, etc.) to fulfill their primary emotional needs.
Reflect: What is your primary style? How do you feel when you use your primary style? What does it feel like when you cannot use your primary style? Be sure to share your reflections in the comment section.
The intersection of motivation and style creates nine types of self-sabotaging personas we take upon ourselves when operating with a negative mindset. If you align your emotional survival need with your primary style, you will find the name of your self-sabotaging persona (aka “Saboteur”).
Would you like to learn more about your Saboteur(s)? You can take a free assessment by following this link: https://www.positiveintelligence.com/assessments/.
’Cause what you see you might not get
And we can bet, so don’t you get souped yet
You’re scheming on a thing that’s a mirage
I’m trying to tell you now, it’s sabotage
Stay tuned for future articles where I will dive deeper into the characteristics of each of the Saboteurs.
