How to Obsess Less About Food

Photo by Yulia Khlebnikova on Unsplash

And I promise you, the answer is not more self-control.

I run a non-diet nutrition counseling practice that helps people to heal their relationship to food. Every week our practice receives inquiries from folks looking for help with “managing” their food intake. They snack too much. Their portion sizes are too large. They just can’t seem to set the sweets down even though they know they should. Or at least, that’s how they see it.

These same folks often describe their experiences with and feelings about food as complicated and seemingly incongruous, wherein food is a source of both intense desire and deep dread. They simultaneously cannot wait to dive into their favorite cookies and are terrified that once they start eating them, they won’t be able to stop. Indeed, their lived experience often reinforces this belief. They describe their thoughts about food as all-consuming.

I know many are hoping that I hold the elusive solution, the master plan for getting a grip on their food intake once and for all. And while I do think I have a lot to offer when it comes to helping folks heal their relationship to food, the process is usually not what they assume it to be.

I don’t provide a list of tips for reducing snacking or strategies for tricky themselves into eating less at meals. I don’t tell them to take the sweets out of the house or offer suggestions for “healthier” alternatives. I don’t assign calorie-controlled meal plans with perfectly portioned recipes to follow. One, because they’ve likely already tried all those things. And two, because those things don’t work.

In my 14 years as a dietitian, here’s what I’ve learned: The belief that food and feeding ourselves is something that needs to be “managed” is central to the challenges that many people face with eating. The feeling obsessed with, out-of-control around, and never satisfied by food is simply a by-product.

All to say that the solution to obsessing less about food isn’t about getting better at controlling it. Actually, it’s about trying to control it a lot less.

Why Controlling Food Intake Leads to Food Obsession

There are several reasons why aiming to control food leads to more obsession or preoccupation with it. These reasons are both biological and psychological in nature.

Let’s begin with biology.

Our bodies are wired for survival. Whenever our bodies perceive a possible threat to our survival, survival mechanisms are activated to prioritize safety and protection. Contrary to what the world of diet culture would have us believe, not enough food is in fact a threat to survival. And because controlling food often equates to eating less of it, our body perceives this behavior as a threat. This sets into motion a cascade of biological responses to encourage getting our needs met including hormonal changes, which make us feel hungrier, and neurological changes, which make us think more about food. Beyond that, when we do eat the food, the reward value of the food is heightened, we derive more pleasure from those initial bites, because the body wants to reinforce this behavior.

All to say, when you are in a state of restriction, increased interest in and desire for food is not a personal flaw or failing, it’s a natural, biological response. In fact, just the idea of restriction can be enough to set in motion a biological survival response.

Psychology also plays a role.

For starters, humans possess an innate drive for autonomy. Imposing external food rules or controls is a threat to that autonomy. So, if you find your desire for that chocolate brownie increases tenfold as soon as you decide chocolate brownies are off-limits your inner toddler/teenager is responsible for that.

This is explained well by psychological reactance theory which states that “individuals have certain freedoms with regard to their behavior. If these behavioral freedoms are reduced or threatened with reduction, the individual will be motivationally aroused to regain them.”¹ This is true even if it’s not really in our best interest to do so. For example, in attempt to eat more healthfully or lose wight we might make the rule, “brownies are not allowed.” But then, we find ourselves eating brownies to the point of feeling physically ill, not because we lack self-control, but because we are rebelling against the rule in an attempt to reclaim autonomy.

This shows up in many areas of life, not just with food. Have you ever rebelled against doing or not doing something simply because someone else was pressuring you to act in a certain way? Like, your partner asked you to load the dishwasher differently, so you stopped putting dishes in it all together. Or, your mom questioned if you really needed another houseplant, so instead of buying one you bought three. It’s all coming from the same place.

So, drive for autonomy is a big contributing factor. But it’s not the only one. I also want to tell you about last chance thinking, the “what the hell” effect, and the self-fulfilling prophecy.

Last chance thinking results from the anticipation of future restriction. When you decide, “no more brownies after today,” OF COURSE you are going to want all of the brownies now because it’s your last chance to eat them!

When we are planning how we are going to restrict to compensate for perceived digressions with food, before or as we are eating the food, the need to “take advantage” of the opportunity to get our fill now is going to be in full force.

Similar but different, the “what the hell” effect results more from black-and-white thinking about food. It’s feeling as though “I already blew it” if you take a single bite of a “forbidden” food and therefore, “I might as well just eat it all” regardless of actual desire for the food. We then eat past what we actually want or need to feel satisfied because the f*ck it mindset has taken hold.

And finally, the self-fulfilling prophecy is when the outcome is predetermined. This is when you tell yourself, “If I take even a single bite of brownies, I’m going to eat the entire pan” then proceed to do exactly as you said you would when you do inevitably take a bite. Again, this is not because you cannot be trusted with brownies, this is because you already decided the outcome of the situation before you even started eating! So of course things played out exactly as you said they would, there really was never space for another alternative.

Steps to Feel Less Obsessed

1. Eat enough. Biology is powerful. Your body’s survival instincts are strong. They are also persistent. Willpower really is no match. So, trying to sustain yourself on less than is enough for your body is a setup for feeling consumed by food thoughts and totally out-of-control when you do “give in” to your body’s needs. It’s not a personal flaw or failing. It is biology. And what is “enough” food is probably more than you think it is because #dietculture.
2. Release the rules. Easier said than done, I know. It can be helpful to start by just trying to just notice when they show up. For example, how often do you find yourself saying things like I “can’t” or I “shouldn’t” eat a particular food? Or, feeling like you need to wait until a certain time to eat even though you are hungry now? Or, that you need to burn a certain number of calories or log a certain number of steps before you can allow yourself to have a certain thing? Rules are going to fuel your inner rebel in a way that’s not likely to be helpful or supportive of your goals. So let them go. Our Finding Food Freedom Starter Guide can be a helpful starting point for this, too.
3. Connect with what feels good. So much of how we learn to interact with food is centered around the ideas of being good and looking good. Being good meaning following the rules diet culture dictates and buying into the idea that worth and moral virtue are attached to the food choices we make. Looking good meaning striving to conform to societal ideals about what acceptable bodies look like, which positions the pursuit of achieving and maintaining the smallest version of ourselves as paramount. Both totally disconnect us from our body’s cues and actual needs and make us miserable in the process. Shifting the focus to feeling good allows us to reconnect with our body’s appetite cues, our food preferences, and learn how to honor our needs and support whole health and wellbeing.

Where to begin?

Great question! The good news is that there are lots of resources out there to help.

1. If it’s accessible, looking for a Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor to work with is a great starting place.
2. If that’s not in the cards right now, the Intuitive Eating book and workbook are great resources for learning more and offering some self-paced, self-help guidance. Fun fact: Reading the Intuitive Eating book was a pivotal moment for me in my own journey!
3. Finally, my re-vamped, re-branded, and expanded group coaching program, Break Free: How to Eat Intuitively & Obsess Less About Food is re-launching in spring 2024 and the waitlist is now open! We will breakdown all 10 principles of Intuitive Eating and provide you with a roadmap for rebuilding body trust and finding joy with food again.

[1] Brehm, J. W. (1966). A theory of psychological reactance. Academic Press. Accessed on February 26, 2024. Available at: https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1967-08061-000.