I just got home from some coffee shop, I’m not really into coffee but my friend I told you before, his name is Ivan, take me there. Let me tell you about him. He’s a very easy going man, like he’ll do whatever the hell he wants. So tonight he want to watch the Transformers movie (I think it’s better called ‘Trashformers’ because it’s badly bad, no offense), but at some point he wanna go with me, he even wait for me to answer his message like two hours. And you know? They’re out of ticket. We’re too late, if he just go without me maybe he can watch that movie. But he doesn’t.
Then we go to the coffee shop at the corner of the road. And we start talking about, basically everything. I don’t know why he is so open to me, and so do I. Like he know most of my dark secret, but still it doesn’t mean he know everything about me. He even stated it, he said I’m one of the kind who has ‘same frequency’ with him. He really talks a lot to me, much surprise because we just met like two months?
Ivan is a smoker, he smoke like a train. He occasionally smoke weed, get drunk more often. He making love with his girlfriend. This is my first time to get to know such person, and I’m not here to judge, I’m not saying he’s a bad person just because all of his misbehave, I do learn something from him. He is not some problematic teenager who get drunk to be distracted, it’s simply just because his environment which push him to do that. Fortunately he is aware about that and he try to gradually stop. And that’s good for him.
He got some fluid decision, like it can be anything he want. What he wanna do today, what he wanna do after that, he just go wherever his foot take him. And he said like he want to be at the top of world, and I asked what top of the world? He clearly want to get respect from people, basically everyone, and make they think that he’s above them all. And I said it’s great to have some competitive spirit, but life is not about taking everybody down. Maybe life is about winning, but it’s about conquering yourself, not making everyone else lose.
I’m one of the kind who make some planning and got some to-do list, I have my goals in the next few years and breaking the goals down to targets I had to achieve. I really want to value my own life, and I hope everybody thinks the same way. Value living. And Ivan’s value is getting know everybody. Like literally anybody, the brewer at the coffeeshop, the pianist at the club, he’s friends, me, maybe. I’m not very open about myself, I had a few friends, you can see me alone more often. And I’m not really bothered by that condition. I am whatever I am, just like Ivan is whoever he is.
Fuck social construct I’m getting sick.
Why people labeled some smoking girls bad. Why people think being atheist is an anomaly. Fuck this country I’m moving out when I’m ready.
Yeah I’m the girl who smoke cigarette, even before I know Ivan. And yes of course I’m atheist. And I’m not some trashy problematic teenager who doesn’t know where to go. I hope you do so.