Why are women more unhappy in a relationship?

Tika Pahadi
Aug 31, 2018 · 4 min read

Disclaimer: A woman is a beautiful and complicated being. It’s impossible to describe billions of population on a single story. The following my hypothesis based on my (anecdotal) interview with my male and female friends.

1) He is my world. Period.

I have noticed that after a girl gets in a relationship, she keeps the boy as the center of attraction. He is her everything. She distances herself from many other aspects of her life so that she could honestly love him. She STOPS to text her all male friends and greatly reduces her conversations even with her female friends. The amazing friends she went to movie and dinner last week — just vanish off her head.

For her, now it’s all about him. She still wants to go to dinner —but only with him. She still wants to go to a movie — but with him. Hiking — with him. Netflix — with him. In fact, everything — ONLY with him.

Now, you might say — what’s wrong with that? Well, a lot in fact. Firstly, think about how many friends and family you were close in the past with. Now, you are expecting a single person to entertain you all time time. That’s simply impractical. On the other hand, he still has friends and family with whom he will maintain his relationship and gives the same amount of time as before.

Never forget to be happy with yourself. One who cannot be entertained with oneself, cannot be entertained by anyone.

2) Expectations

Women give their everything to make a relationship work. The problem is that they expect the same from men. Now, it is in no way wrong to expect that—but if you want to really be happy with anything (not just relationships), you have to always keep expectations to the modest levels.

Just like before, since you lack people to interact with, you expect him to text you every couple of hours like you do. However, you should never forget that he has a life too. You should always respect that. Just because he is in a relationship does not mean he will stop doing everything else—for you.

Now, you will definitely claim that texting for 5 minutes every couple of hours is not 24 hours. However, men like to concentrate on things they do. First of all, it never completes in 5 minutes. Second, it breaks his workflow. One of the biggest problem with men is the inability to come back to things once they exit.

Now you will say again, “Nobody is really that busy. It’s all about priorities”. The statement is so beautiful to say, but I believe it’s severely flawed. Take this example:

I am in a meeting/work, I will call you back. Okay?”

If you have ever said so to your boyfriend or father or mother, does it mean you value your shitty job more than them? NO. But, it’s all about the context. At that context, the meeting is more important unless it’s an emergency or something of higher importance.

Just like that, there might be something more important AT THAT CONTEXT than this redundant conversation: “Hey baby, how you doing?” — “Fine, u?” — “Fine. Love you” — “Love you too ❤” — “❤”.

3) Different definitions: What’s a relationship?

Most boys I know believe when they are in a relationship, they are looking to see if it works out. But on the other hand, women are selective. They select someone and say “He is it”. When a woman loves, she truly does. She is in a relationship only when she really likes you. This very difference in the definition of “relationship” results in so many problem- mostly hurting women.

4) The Fear of the Breaking Up & Re-adjustment

Ever wondered why peeling off skin from the root of the nails is so painful? It always hurts to separate especially if you are very close. The emotional trauma aside, as mentioned in “He is my world”, it becomes very difficult for a woman to adjust back. You have fewer friends now — who mostly talk behind your back. Your family members are bitter because when you were in a relationship with him, you thought they weren’t as much important and you literally replied them after three days.

5) The search for a Perfect Relationship

I believe internet and media is to blame here. We watch “statged” cute videos on the internet (and movies) and expect it to happen with us. But the perfect versions of these relationships rarely exist. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you but he can’t be around you pampering all the time. The people who put these cute videos on Youtube- they have time because it’s their full time job.

And, most of all we are humans. And to err is human. Nobody is perfectly perfect. If we raise our expectations to the non-existent apex level, it’s bound to come crashing and hurt like hell.

Welcome to a place where words matter. On Medium, smart voices and original ideas take center stage - with no ads in sight. Watch
Follow all the topics you care about, and we’ll deliver the best stories for you to your homepage and inbox. Explore
Get unlimited access to the best stories on Medium — and support writers while you’re at it. Just $5/month. Upgrade