She said “no” to everything that year…. After years , and years, upon years of saying “yes” to everyone, everything, every opportunity and every request.

“No” turned the steady, rushing faucet off with an abrupt thump.

The flow of work, effort, energy, projects, and relationships slowed to a stop.

She could breathe.

Shallowly.

She also held on to the bad feelings, the fears, the unresolved grief and anger. The gunk filled her. She was a basin of angst, as “what if”’s began overflowing onto the kitchen floor, splashing on the walls like coffee-grounds water.

She was saying “no” and she still felt exhausted.

She leaned against the countertop and moodily stared at the sink.

She felt stuck and knew she had to release her hold. She had to choose. She decided to create with the yes and the no.

Falteringly she turned her “yes” back on to a trickle. And then said “no” to a lack of rest. She took naps in the middle of the work day. She said no to dull, taking 3 minute dance breaks and coloring outside of the lines of coloring books.

She said no to betrayal, lies, and thoughtlessness and wrote letters to herself filled with words she wished he had said, she had said, they had said…and pretended each letter was real, soothing her aching heart, letting the sadness drain, the murky feelings move out.

She said yes to patience.

So that she could breathe.

Deeply.

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