Human beings are social animals. It is a well-known fact by now, particularly by psychology students, but also by the public at large. It is therefore not a surprise that loneliness is painful. I would even venture to say it is one of the most painful experiences a person can be subjected to. We are wired to look for social inclusion — to seek contact with other human beings. Some researchers even go as far as to say that this is what our self-esteem really is; or at least part of it involves a motive towards seeking human contact (Leary & Downs, 1995) [See sociometer theory]. It is an evolutionary argument which makes a lot of sense — being loved, respected and included by others means we are less likely to be cast off into the savannah to fend for ourselves (and likely die), therefore this leads to increased positive affect and high self-esteem. When we do not feel included, we feel bad — because if we are not a respected member of our society, then we may be discarded from our group. In fact, loneliness is also associated with bad health. Social inclusion is a burgeoning field of research within social psychology, and for a good reason — it matters to us enormously.

Having established that social inclusion is important for humans, an interesting question becomes if everyone is equally threatened by a lack of inclusion. Put in another way; is it truly the case that everyone is equally affected by loneliness? Perhaps the term is slightly loaded — particularly amongst westerners, as our culture greatly values extraversion and social dominance. Various psychological tests have been designed to measure loneliness, to look at how lonely people feel and what strategies they use to cope with their loneliness. For my project for this class however, I wanted to look at this topic in a different way — by taking the assumption that certain people are simply more resilient to loneliness — and that therefore there may be a powerful individual difference variable in how people cope with loneliness. While I will not be able to test this proposition to its full extent, I suspect it is related to introversion (with highly introverted people coping better with loneliness).

To give an illustrative example, we all probably have a friend who spends a lot of time alone, while seemingly not feeling lonely. Rather, they enjoy their solitude and take comfort in it, viewing it as a sign of independence and strength. On the other hand, you probably know someone who is constantly surrounded by others, and has a very high need to be with others. That person can’t stand being alone (despite not being lonely) — any moment of solitude becomes an unpleasant experience. Might it be possible to measure how resilient people are to loneliness (or solitude)?

For the brave soul that has made it this far into the article — why not take the survey I have designed, intended to measure resilience to loneliness.

Human beings are social beings — but perhaps, some of us feel our evolutionary urge for inclusion more than others, while others may be more comfortable being the lone wolf.

PS: If you do feel lonely and want to overcome these feelings, consider reading these quick tips:

http://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-Loneliness

http://psychology.about.com/od/psychotherapy/a/loneliness.htm