Nothing wrong with rationalizing it this way, but the truth is that men’s sexuality (particularly straight men) IS creepy, and they know it, and if they are ashamed of themselves and cannot have a healthy intimate relationship IT IS NOT THE WOMAN’S FAULT.

I interpret your partner’s statements “I like petite girls” in a way more sinister way than you seem to allow yourself. The truth is that men DO NOT WANT the emotional connection you are talking about in sex, they want domination over another person (especially women) and they just use sex as a means to that end. That is exactly the message they are bombarded with in movies, porn, and other media their entire life (literally from childhood up). And they soak it up PRECISELY BECAUSE it means they don’t have to be responsible for their feelings or their actions. That doesn’t make them the victims, that makes them dangerous.

So when he makes toxic remarks like that, I believe he is marking you. He is (a) suggesting that women should maintain a small size in order to be aesthetically pleasing to men, and (b) implying that YOU should have to maintain a small size to be aesthetically pleasing to HIM (which is partly because porn culture tells him so and partly because it forces you to consider sacrificing your health/wellbeing for the supposed desires of someone else).

Your partner doesn’t sound like someone who cares about having a sexual relationship with you, who cares about the emotional connection you are talking about. If he wanted it, why would he repeatedly make these toxic comments to you? Like most men, I just don’t think that he really wants it. He wants control.

And if that’s “guilt” or “shame” because he’s been taught all his life that male sexuality is just an exercise in domination with a cheap orgasm attached to it, THAT’S NOT YOUR FAULT and you should not have to feel compelled to be patient hoping he’ll turn around. It’s not your job to be his therapist. If he really honestly is capable of a healthy sexual relationship and just has some psychological issues to sort out, LET HIM SORT THEM OUT and then come back to you when he is whole. Until then, what you are dealing with is abusive and unfair.