Bonnie + Clyde. Anna Nicole + J. Howard. Sid + Nancy. Jay + Bae. Kurt + Courtney. Bill + Hillary. Pam + Tommie. Ozzy + Sharon. Whitney + Bobby.
Mark + Tiffany.
What do all of these pairs have in common? EVERYBODY had a front row seat to their shitshow….NOBODY could explain the chemistry.
I’m here today to clear the air on a subject which is tender and one that conjures a spectrum of emotions for anyone in our sphere: in the last several weeks, the other half of my heart and I…reconnected. The reunion was unintentional and purely magnetic. Organic and forgiving. Careful and conscious. Curious and kind.
Every lasting romantic relationship out there suffers from heartbreak at one point or another. Some lasting relationships out there suffer from more egregious offenses than others. Values get compromised, words cut like a knife, periods of uncertainty plague, sleep becomes overrated and feelings get overrun. I’ve shared countless, heartbreaking conversations with friends who have been cheated on, pushed around AND left alone (credit: Tracy Lawrence) to much greater magnitudes than any of the transgressions I’ve endured in my lifetime, yet in the name of love even they have managed to persevere. Does that make it right? Does that make it wrong? Who’s to say?
A few months ago, I wrote another post here that shared with the world my thoughts and feelings following our initial departure from one another. We called it quits, he moved out, we lost 100% contact and both of us took a stab at moving on.
Have you ever divulged something private to someone…and wished you had kept it to yourself? I have……only at the crossroads of humiliation and anger, I took my feelings to the worldwide web — a place of permanency which is reserved for voyeurs like you and me.
Credibility is EVERYTHING to me. I’ve always had a reputation for writing openly and honestly. In my breakup-blog-post, I said what I meant, and meant what I said…..however I. JUST. SHOULDN’T. HAVE. SAID. IT. Some things are meant to be kept private….At that particular date and time, and in that particular space — that was my family’s challenge, which we shared between these four walls. Do I regret sharing it with the world? Absolutely. Is everyone else’s life out there as dysfunctional as ours to some degree or another? Absolutely.
Ask ANY tenured couple today how they’ve managed to stay together all this time. I’ll bet not one of them sings a song of rainbows and unicorns. I’ll bet they’ll chirp about their most arduous (and continued) lifelong endurance challenge — their partnership. I’ll bet they impart wisdom about choosing battles, and never going to bed angry…I’ll bet they’d pledge to do it all over again alongside their mate, if given the opportunity.…and I’ll bet not ONE of them shares their most intimate stories of the transgressions committed within their four walls.
…BECAUSE that’s, like, Rule #1 in the Successful Relationship Playbook: Don’t tell everyone about the crimes committed against one another in your relationship — it makes you both look like shitheads if you stay together.
It happens…two adults trying to hold down a fort, replete with kids, pets, school, activities, work, money — and ALL of the other variables that require a couple to march, daily, in lockstep >>> it’s enough to make anyone want to burst, and some of us do. Mark and I both played a blame game before we burst…and in the throes of my woes…I chose…to break Rule #1 and make my side of the story public.
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle which you know nothing about.”
THIS. This is my own personal mantra, and one to which I’ve, personally, adhered throughout my entire adult life. I expect that many of the folks in our shared sphere will neither accept, nor understand our decision to reunite — because you do know something about our battle. There are plenty of others who know our battle and celebrate our reunion because our chemistry is undeniable, and our family deserves to be whole again. For any of the folks in our sphere who have difficulty accepting our reunion, I understand completely. All I ask is that you exercise kindness in this delicate space while we consciously pursue our path forward. You don’t have to like it; you don’t have to love it….you don’t even have to respect or support it. I just simply ask that you trust the process…and BE. KIND.
Never before have I experienced such a deeply-rooted desire to share my world with another individual, as I have with Mark. The life we’ve built together is equal parts tumult and treasure. Our bond has been beautiful and baffling to us, as well as to everyone around us. We get it. All we know is that our lives were functionally meaningless without having one another, and that our energies belong…side-by-side.
Mark & I? We are flawed. We are human. We love hard. We fight hard. We are challenged. We are humbled. We are sensitive. We struggle. We are foolish. We are full of life. We are mistaken. We are intense. We are buddies. We are seeking purpose. We are passionate. We are rule-breakers. We are faulted. We are insecure. We are lonely. We are forgiving. We are messy. We are family.
We are…..JUST. LIKE. YOU.
...only we [used to] put our shit all over the internet….and just like each of these foolish pairs so colorfully represented in this post, we’re going to unapologetically give it all we’ve got and love on…