‘Anxious with Jesus’
A Summary of My Book in Progress
Anxious with Jesus is a collection of insights and reflections written from the messy intersection of Christianity and clinical anxiety. The Church has long taught that anxiety and depression are indicators of an immature faith, a weak prayer life, and a failure to trust in God’s omnipotent and omniscient nature. This assumption confuses mere worry for anxiety, and mere discontentment for depression, leaving the “weak in spirit” whom Jesus blesses isolated, injured, misunderstood, and shamed (Mt. 5:3). Anxious with Jesus invites the Church to consider and embrace a fresh Biblical paradigm for clinical anxiety and depression: not as sin rooted in poor theology, but as thorns rooted in aberrant physiology. Just as Paul’s thorn “tormented” him, and just as God let it remain for the sake of profound redemption, so the Church ought to understand mental illness (II Cor. 12:7-10).
The difference between normal anxiety and clinical anxiety is established in Part I of Anxious with Jesus through vulnerable memoir, scripture, and a variety of supporting sources. With both an aching rawness and a sense of humor, I narrate the development and onset of my own disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, within the cultural context of American Evangelical Christianity. When I was diagnosed in 2007, despite desperate searches for believers who shared my struggle, all of the literature and testimonies I found were based on the premise that anxiety and depression are solely spiritual struggles to be resolved by solely spiritual Truths and practices. “Revise your theology and strengthen your faith in God,” the church told me. In my mental duress, I could not find the words to explain that I clung to the same theology they did, and that in my brokeness, I was experiencing a profoundly intimate relationship with Him.
I spent nearly a decade sailing alone with Jesus through the uncharted ocean of clinical anxiety before even hearing of another Christian who shared my diagnosis. Part II details the map that has resulted from our voyage; it is for those trying to navigate the same turbulent waters that, by the Grace of God, I have traveled. My hope is that it will make others’ journeys a little smoother, and hopefully, a lot less lonely. It includes guidance and reflections regarding therapy, medication, healthy practices, and the unique ways that cognitive distortions (namely, perfectionism, black-and-white thinking, and catastrophizing) often manifest in believers’ minds. This is paired with hard-earned Truths to help combat lies and a how-to guide for fighting thought distortions. The last chapter, “For When You Just Can’t,” is a collection of scripture, verse, and prose to console and comfort the soul during dark moments and exhausting seasons when nothing else seems to help.
Family, friends, and leaders of the clinically anxious are addressed in Part III. Reflecting on ten years of personal interactions, sermons, and churches, I share what has deepened my pain and what has helped me heal, so that the Church can more effectively accommodate and love those inflicted with thorns like mine.
