90 Day Fiancé: Before the 90 Days Recap, Season 4 Episode 11
A recap of “Private Eyes,” season 4 episode 11 of 90 Day Fiancé: Before the 90 Days.
Not gonna lie, this week’s episode was kind of a snooze fest compared to last week’s. Some of the storylines seemed repetitive: David and Yolanda don’t believe their partners are catfish, Usman and Lisa grapple with their power dynamics, Ash is still sexist.
But there were a few highlights, including Erika coming out to her parents, Rosemarie ripping Ed a new one, and Geoffrey’s Very Interesting body art that’s featured on his chest…area.
Lisa (52) and Usman (30) // Kaduna, Nigeria
We pick up right where we left off with Baby Girl Lisa and SojaBoy, middle fingers up and all. Usman catches up to Lisa on the side of the road and they talk about how he’s a Hausa man (we get it) and she’s an American woman (we get it, yeesh). It’s interesting to see how Lisa adopts Usman’s accent when she talks to him. I guess that’s code-switching?
“Even in America, I know man is man and woman is woman, so we are not going to stay fifty-fifty. That is all I’m insisting,” Usman says in their confessional. “For us to be together, sixty-forty.” Feminism is dead, y’all.
Later, they leave Usman’s Mommy’s village and head to Abuja to arrange their courthouse wedding ceremony. At the marriage registry building, they find out that the Nigerian government needs to post a notice of their wedding outside of the office… because “maybe someone will say, ‘That’s my husband.’” I can actually imagine this system being a hit in the U.S.
The magistrate also asks for Baby Girl Lisa’s divorce certificate. She says it’s in the U.S. and shoots her fiancé some daggers:
Apparently, Usman didn’t check to see what documents she’d need to bring to Nigeria, even though she asked him to check six months ago. I’m not sure why she didn’t think to double check herself before her trip, but it’s hilarious to see her rail at him in the parking lot after their whole “A Hausa man is in charge” conversation.
Sixty-forty, indeed.
Ed (54) and Rosemarie (23) // Calocan, Philippines
Ed and Rosemarie spend the day at their resort’s pool because Ed hates sand (…what is the point of going to a beach resort?). The pool area is empty (is it monsoon season?) and the couple frolic in the water. At one point, Big Ed flips his fiancee over in the pool and it doesn’t look fun. At all. I’m also wondering why the cameraperson is so close to their underwater bodies.
Anyway, Ed is stressed because he’s been thinking about his upcoming vasectomy and how he’ll broach the subject. “I didn’t tell her sooner because I didn’t want to lose her,” he says in his confessional. Basically, he wanted to trap her.
They get out of the water and take in the empty pool scene. “I like the view,” Rosemarie says.
“You’re my best view,” says Ed. Gag.
She responds with a honking noise and this face:
Ed then proceeds to tell Rosemarie that he doesn’t want kids anymore. He’s got two vasectomy appointments (“where it’s a snip snip”) waiting for him in America. She’s confused — why didn’t he tell her last night at dinner? Having two kids is her dream! He says he didn’t know how to, and that he doesn’t need time to think about the vasectomy. He’s definitely going through with it.
Rosemarie says she needs time to reevaluate their relationship.
“Do you still love me?” Ed meekly asks. And at that moment, I wished she responded the same way he said he loved her last time.
The next morning, Big Ed wakes up and Rosemarie is gone!!! She hasn’t been answering any of his texts or calls. She hasn’t even left a message at the front desk! Ed scours the hotel and comes to this realization: “[In the beginning,] it was really more about me trying to figure out for myself, was Rose the one that I wanted? But now it’s a 180. Now it’s Rose really sorting out for herself whether or not she wants to be with me.”
To that, I’ll quote from Ali Wong: “Colonize the colonizer.”
Off into the distance, Rosemarie emerges and they sit down to talk. She says that she’s told him many times that she wants more kids and asks him why he didn’t tell her about the vasectomy before he came all the way to the Philippines.
He says that he wanted them to get to know each other to see if they’re compatible. Queen Rosemarie’s response to that lame-ass excuse:
She goes on to obliterate him.
“I know who you are,” she says, smirking at the audacity of the man who tried to pull one over her. Rosemarie then goes down a list of things Big Ed’s done that have hurt her:
- Lying to her about his height
- Wanting her to take an STD test
- Giving her mouthwash when she’s sick with an ulcer
- Assuming she’s with him for his money and that she’s the same as her sister, who secretly asked him for financial help
(She doesn’t include his rude request for her to shave her legs.)
“You make me feel a little bit person,” Rosemarie says. “I think you not love me. I’m done.”
Erika (24) and Stephanie (29) // Port Augusta, Australia
Stephanie is getting ready to meet Erika’s parents, pulling out presents she got for her girlfriend’s mom. The Bath and Body Works kit is significantly better than the roadside flowers Geoffrey showed up with — dirt, roots, and all — when he met Varya’s mom.
“Let’s go eat some Chinese food and tell my parents we’re gay,” Erika says as they head out the door.
They show up to the house and Erika’s parents are… kind of the best?? They’re super sweet and are big huggers. Over dinner, the family catches up and her dad asks if Erika has been having a good time on the trip, not “we.”
“Are you having a ball?” he asks. My mom’s comment during this scene: “She didn’t have any balls on this trip.”
Erika says she keeps talking about her and Stephanie as a “we” because “Steph is actually here as my partner. I’m bisexual.”
To that, her dad says:
Her parents are totally cool with her bisexuality. Her dad even says that it’s “not a worry at all. It’s just information.”
It’s just information.
Get James on a pride parade float, stat!!!!
The couple tells the parents that Erika might move to New York if they agree to continue seeing each other. And when they leave, Erika’s mom hugs Erika and Stephanie, and… my cold heart might have melted.
Maybe these crazy kids will make it after all.
Yolanda (51) and Williams // Las Vegas, Nevada
Okay, how the hell are we still talking about Williams in episode 11 of this season? It’s wild how the editors of BT90D have stretched out the storyline — most of this scene features clips from the last episode, including Yolanda’s befuddled face and Google’s loading wheel.
We’re back at Yolanda’s dinner table with her kids Karra and Damante. Damante just uploaded photos of Williams using Google’s Reverse Image Search and the results are in: They’re stock photos!!!
The search pulls up stock photo websites with different variations of the keywords: handsome, muscular, hunk, man, outdoor, city, park. I did a quick Google search of those exact terms just now and guess what? I found Williams.
Yolanda asks if it’s a coincidence that these are stock photos. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone this clueless, save for David (see below).
She then asks, “If he’s using these stock photos and it’s not really him, then who have I been talking to this entire time?” and “Am I being catfished? I don’t know now.”
At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if Yolanda gave Williams her social security number too.
Karra says she wants to get a private investigator for her mom to put this to rest, which might be one of the most supportive things she’s ever done for her mom.
Ash (38) and Avery (32) // Melbourne, Australia
We’re back at the boardwalk with Ash and Avery, moments after they fight over his sexist seminar. But the fight isn’t over yet! Ash takes a time-out to go to his car and change his hoodie for the jacket he wore when he gave his talk. Even a producer asks him where he’s going because the sudden decision to change his wardrobe is just really strange.
I’m convinced that the black jacket is Ash’s power suit, and it helps him feel like he’s in control. It doesn’t help that he continues to literally stand over Avery throughout their next conversation, refusing to sit down with her. Ugh, the body language.
He starts by saying, “Just to let you know, sometimes you’re patronizing.” I hate him.
He then asks Avery, “Do I take care of you? Do I make you feel safe? Do I actually make you feel like you’re a woman?” The questions make no sense because they just met in person for the first time two weeks ago, which isn’t much time to be “taking care” of someone. And… Avery was a woman before he met her.
She says that the only reason they’ve been getting along since the beginning of her trip is because she’s been avoiding asking him hard questions to keep the peace. He’s a complete dick about this and in typical Robot Ash fashion, he reaches for her hand, thinking physical touch could solve their problems. It doesn’t and he looks like even more of an idiot.
Later, we see them back at the apartment they’re staying in (I don’t think it’s Ash’s). Our favorite relationship coach is in the hallway. He pretends to cry, but manages to just sniff really hard.
“She stripped me down in a way that as a man, I don’t know what to do.” Again, with the sexist rhetoric.
He goes back into the apartment and tries to gaslight his fiancee into thinking that she has issues, not him. “It concerns me,” he says before stomping out with his luggage.
David (60) and Lana // Odesa, Ukraine
David’s back in the U.S. and he looks absolutely miserable.
“Seven years later, it’s the fourth time she’s stood me up. I thought I was going to come back an engaged man.”
His friend Jim picks him up from the airport (“Dude, you went to hell and back”) and drives him home, where Mothra the Cat is waiting. FYI: Mothra is the name of the giant moth goddess that’s in Godzilla.
David tells Jim that he still wants closure and that he’s thinking about “the whole time we were together.” David and Lana… have never met in person before. He then says, “Maybe Lana didn’t show up because she’s shy.” David, because she’s shy???? God, help him.
He says he’s going to hire a private investigator, throwing more money into this catfish scheme (he’s already spent over $100,000 on “Lana”). Jim basically tells him to snap the fuck out of it because she’s not real.
“You haven’t seen her,” Jim says.
“I haven’t met her.”
Later in the episode, he meets up with another friend who speaks Russian. Victoria’s here to help him translate as he calls the P.I. he hired from Ukraine.
The P.I. tells them that he believes the whole thing’s a scam. He checked all of the data and connections and found out that “Lana” has several dating accounts with different names and has been communicating with other guys. She’s even using the same photos on all of her accounts.
David becomes defensive, and insists that NO, THAT’S A LIE and that “she doesn’t have that.” Victoria asks him how long he’s going to lie to himself and he says, “Let’s get real.” I can’t do this anymore.
What is the point of hiring a private investigator if David isn’t going to believe what the investigator says? At the same time, Karra hiring one for Yolanda makes sense because the woman’s nudes are on the line and she’s being blackmailed. David, on the other hand, is just thirsty.
Tom and Darcey (45) // Middletown, Connecticut
Last season, Tom gave Darcey the key to his apartment when they were still together. Now that they’ve officially broken up, Darcey is mailing it back to him. Inside the box, it says “Elsker Life.” Upon further research, I found out that Elsker Life is a clothing company, so…
Anyway, she places four Forever stamps on the package. Who’s going to tell her that that’s not enough stamps to send a package to England?
Tom, on the other hand, is back in the city. He’s on the Highline, wearing an atrocious jacket that should be burned and staring off into the distance. He then goes to a bar and Facetimes his new girlfriend Shannon.
“God, you’re beautiful,” he says, making me dry-heave over my coach.
We get to see how Shannon looks like and… you can tell that Tom has A Type.
He says all of the dumb things he used to say to Darcey when he “loved” her, and then tells Shannon that he’s going to fly to Toronto to see her before heading back to England.
I couldn’t care less about Tom, Shannon, or Darcey, so I’m hoping this is the last we hear from them until the Tell All. Actually, just don’t show up to the Tell All either.
Geoffrey (41) and Varya (30) // Ryazan, Russia
We wake up in a tent with Geoffrey and Varya while they’re camping, and I hate it. Also, where is Igor, Geoffrey’s Cancun friend and Varya’s new BFF? In the tent with them??
They walk to a traditional banya place, where they take turns spanking each other with bushes while they’re butt-naked. “To get healthy,” apparently. Then they jump into the murkiest, green lake water. I’m talking greener than the Chicago River on St. Patrick’s Day.
They get out of the water to discuss the status of their relationship and I can’t concentrate on anything they’re saying because of Geoffrey’s nipple tattoos. I repeat: Nipple. Tattoos.
Later, the couple walk around in a forest (not sure if they’re still camping). “You’ve accepted me for me,” Geoffrey says. Debatable, since Varya hasn’t actually said that she’s okay with him being an ex-convict.
He then pulls out a ring and proposes. The episode ends with her shocked face.
I’m still thinking about the nipple tattoos.
