i completed my first week back at work since i chose to post about my miscarriage. i was greeted with such love and support. i want to thank all of you from the bottom of my heart. i was nervous to come back on monday. i didn’t see my choice to disclose it publicly as brave or courageous as so many of you did, and kindly said to me. i experienced it as, and considered it, a cry for help. a plea to know i wasn’t alone. an almost selfish desire for people, especially co-workers, to know that if i seemed absentminded or distant or if i dropped the ball that there was a reason. that a part of me was, and remains, elsewhere.
i think the main impetus to start writing was that i was HIT with a wave of fear and shame when the bleeding started. i chastised myself for failing to keep my conception a secret until the end of three months like we’ve all been advised to do — just in order to avoid the stigma that miscarriage brings.