A child is woken up from a nightmare, he cries out in the expectation that one of his parents will come running to comfort him. And they often will.
When we reach adulthood we metaphorically cry out in a similar fashion for someone or something to come and save us. Either from what has become a lacklustre existence, prescribe the love we are not capable of administering or to define our worth.
We have been conditioned to believe that whoever we are and whatever we have is simply not enough.
The epitome of greatness somehow exists beyond us and within the parameters of everything external hence why we must commit to a life-long search. Otherwise we would never reach that euphoric state of awesomeness. …
We are much harder on ourselves than we are other people, hence why we can occassionally become stuck in a cycle of self-punishment.
But it is impossible for wounds to heal if you keep picking away at the scabs.
So whilst torturing ourselves over mistakes and grievances might seem noble, it is destructive in the long term.
To move forward, we must accept that there is nothing we can do to change the past. We must acknowledge that sometimes we also need the grace that we easily hand out to others when they do us wrong. …
“Knowing is not enough, we must apply. Willing is not enough, we must do”. Johann Wolfgang van Goethe
With the majority of jobs furloughed and self isolation rules which restricts our movement, there is also a surge in available online classes, seminars and courses encouraging us to maximise the down-time.
The study of endorphins has proven that learning something new feels good.
So whilst the idea of increasing our knowledge may seem like the most productive use of our time, if not careful it can easily evoke in us the obsession to keep gathering as much information as possible.
Because knowledge can deceptively feel like power. But it is only potential power. …
I recently relocated from London to a smaller town in the North East of England.
Living in a diverse city comes with the comfort of being able to lose the consciousness of being of a dark skin tone and and instead blend into the myriad of races and cultures.
However, being a minority in a town that is predominantly white has resurfaced some of my insecurities.
On a day to day basis, I often find myself momentarily hesitating when people approach because I don’t know how they will react to me as someone who looks very different from them.
Will it be a friendly hello or wave, frown or outright disgust?
Will my blackness be too offensive to them? …
Six years ago was a turning point in my life.
I began to question everything and it all started with finding myself in a work environment that progressively became toxic. Waking up in the morning filled me with dread and anxiety, and it felt like I was simply going through the motions.
At the root of the crisis I was experiencing was a deep sense of dissatisfaction and frustration. …
In my previous employment, I would always wear a pair of heels due to my need to portray an image of perfection. I had sadly developed a belief that flat shoes made me look plain, dressed-down and therefore unattractive. Despite the discomfort I felt from being in heels for most of the day!
Observing my sister Daphne’s rebellious and confident spirit, on the other hand has been truly inspirational. As someone who strongly advocates for flat shoes, she never gives in to the pressure to wear heels even on dates.
I have come to realise that clothes, shoes, jewellery and makeup are wonderful adornments but to unduly rely on them in order to feel beautiful, or as a basis for our worth is toxic.
To be able to carry yourself with confidence regardless of what you are wearing is the epitome of beautiful. …
“Failing does not make you a failure. It makes you human. A student of life. It is a sign that you are growing”.
I used to be so hard on myself.
So whenever I failed at something, my response would be to immediately lock myself up into a box of misery and pensiveness.
But as I gleaned into the stories of people who have achieved great feats, I realised that that with every failure, comes a choice. …
In his 2014 Oscar acceptance speech, the actor Matthew McConaughey had this to say…”there are three things I need each day. Someone to look up to, another to look forward to and the third is someone to chase”.
The former is his hero, which is the 10–15 year version of himself. Despite making peace with the fact that he will probably never catch up with this person, it inspires him to keep improving.
I think this reinforces the idea that perfection is not something we should first wait to achieve before attempting anything new, but rather aim for in the process. …
Around the age of five, I prayed and pleaded for a younger brother.
Soon enough my request was granted, but understandably the privilege is accompanied with a sense of responsibility towards him that still remains today.
I have in the past written about the pain and guilt I feel from the self-destructive choices he makes today- drug addiction and the lack of motivation to do anything meaningful with his life.
Even as rational as I am, and despite acknowledging that as his sister, the main duty of his care does not have rest on my shoulders but that of our parents, I still wonder whether I could have done more. …
The journey from insecure and anxious to self-belief and confidence is a journey of a thousand miles.
Whilst it may at first seem easier to ‘fake it till you make it’, soon enough the mask will wear off and you will find yourself riddled with an even greater level of self-doubt.
There is no magic bullet to developing confidence.
Rather, it is the result of first being clear on why it matters to you, trying out different approaches and overall staying committed to the process.
Consider this: If you don’t believe in yourself, how do you expect others to?
There was a time when my current lifestyle was a distant dream. I simply did not have the level of self-belief required to step outside of my comfort zone and pursue my deepest desires.
All I could see was my limitations and a million reasons why it was not possible. …