No, I can’t show up for you right now
Showing up for people is how I’ve defined my worth for the last 31.9 years. I’ve tried my best, pushing through and aside personal troubles, issues and pain, to show up as a friend, daughter, partner and worker. I cannot accurately measure my success of my intentions and efforts, but I do feel as I have balanced succeeding at times and failing at others. I have realized that all I can do is try my best.
What I have recently realized is my limit. I have now touched, reached and fallen into my limit to show up. For others and more importantly, myself. I am exhausted, overwhelmed and tapped out of resources.
A year and a half ago, I started a food business with the intention of building a business that was beyond the product. I often have said that the food is a vehicle for the true message and movement. I wanted to build a business with empowerment and compassion. I struggle with the challenge of showing up as a compassionate person while still being able to run a business well. During the journey of the buildout, I have come across many opportunities for change, as I call it. These opportunities are each and every situation I have had to answer to, despite whether I knew the correct answer or not. I try my best to choose the most compassionate choice. These opportunities include potential partners who screw you over, people try to take advantage of you, being called on oh-so-many mistakes and owning them (or breaking down) and managing a stampede of tenants, employees, consultants, and clients. I have learned and am still learning to say no. No? No. NO! I have learned and am learning my boundaries that i’ve ignored and been allowed to be trampled on in the past. And the real gem of learning is that it is my own responsibility that those boundaries have been crossed and only I can reclaim them.
I have felt like the bitch boss and dragon lady a number of times now.
But I need to own it. I do own it. I want to own it.
Right now, I am owning that several people around me probably don’t like me very much because I have laid down what is unacceptable for me. And it involves them to show up in my space the way I need, should they choose to continue. I have laid down with my consultants that it is unacceptable to me to unload their emotional baggage on me, and to not deliver their work in a professional fashion. I am laying down with my tenants that they need to be responsible for keeping their shared space clean and tidy or they will be charged money. I am laying down with my employees that if they can’t be on time and finish their work appropriately, they will be fired. No more second chances. I am done with giving everyone second chances because when it all adds up, I have given the whole lot of everyone enough chances to drown this city. I am done.
So no, I cannot show up for you right now. I am exhausted, breathless and out of resources to show up for anyone else besides myself right now.
