Lool no, fuck that

‘It’s amazing when texting someone becomes so routine that it isn’t normal if you don’t talk to them’

Lool no, fuck that

Want to know what’s not amazing?

When you and that person stop talking, when maybe you give it a go but then it doesn’t work out

Those hours, those times you spent texting the person are suddenly empty space

And you don’t know how to fill it up

You see something funny and that’s the first person you want to show it to

But you can’t

Your mum sends you a baby picture out of nowhere and that’s the first person you want to show and laugh with

But you can’t

You see something the person showed you, something you both had talked about before and you want to bring it up again

But you can’t

You go through your texts, you read and maybe even laugh at the funny shit in there. Then you get to the end and realise you miss the person. Hell, you even type in an ‘I miss you’

But you never send it

Because you can’t

You remember that that person had a special place in your heart, was one of the most important people to you, and now they aren’t here anymore

That empty space, that aching in your heart; that isn’t amazing

It fucking hurts

That’s only at first though

Eventually, you find other people to fill in the space you thought couldn’t be filled. Your friends come in clutch and you begin to think ‘What did I even need them for anyway?’

You begin to think you’re over it, you’re way past that

And you know what, maybe you are

But there’s always going to be that space, that empty space where the person used to be

There’s always going to be memories, ones you can’t erase no matter how hard you try. No matter who comes next, no matter how amazing they are, no matter how many brand new amazing feelings you get. It’ll always be there

And frankly, I don’t think those amazing feelings balance out the pain when it’s all over, it’s risky

You’ll move on, of course you will but sometimes you’ll still look back over those moments, and it’ll still fucking hurt

It’s amazing you know, Love must be amazing

But if this happens often enough, will love be enough to fill the spaces left from the ones lost?

I don’t know. Maybe it will, maybe it won’t. I wouldn’t know, I’ve never been in love before

So excuse me if I’m not in a hurry to get that amazing feeling anymore. At least, not right now.

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