The very construct of your argument is retro. What about blurring the line between reality and sleep/dreams? When you’re staring at your virtual desktop in VR, doing your boss’s taxes on a wrap-around 4k screen only to take off the Oculus goggles and realize you’re at home, in your living room, naked, in front of your in-laws, who have just popped in from Norway, for the weekend, with their extended family. Only to wake up sweating. Reach for your flip-phone then, on your retro faux-modern minimalist nightstand you bought on etsy, hipster, in your Brooklyn Airbnb above the bowling alley movie theatre. Only to find there’s no Uber button it! You can’t escape your own hipness!

Shave your beards!

Stop being mindful!

Crack your flip-phone like Walter White and toss it in a bin with Stringer Bell’s pager!

What all you really want is a new BlackBerry, admit it.