I Am Here 2 Read About Other People’s Problems

I need a good laugh every now and then.

Marsha is mad at Bubba because he’s fucking other women and she thinks it’s sexist.

Gooooo Marsha.

Bugger said a bad word to Booger and their mom, Brenda Blogger, truly clueless, thinks bad words are unacceptable if we are to raise a generation of sensitive men.

Gooooo Brenda.

Dave wishes he never had children because he’d rather go out but…

It’s always about pussy with men, you know.

Gooooo Dave.

I fail in the Medium food genre completely.

I can make one thing.

Jello shots.

Now, on to tech.

I think I need to start up a start up. I think all these start ups have money, right.

Gooooo Tim.

On giving the finger to Ev Williams. I replaced the carburetor in the old truck with an even older carburetor and cut my finger on an engine made mainly of rust.

Goooo finger.

Politics. Donald said women should not have the right to vote. Hillary said Bernie was a schmutz. Bernie said politicians and billionaires should not have the right to vote.

Dear Bernie,

If you give me a billion dollars or a carburetor, I PROMISE to never vote again cross my heart and hope to die.

Gooooo Bernie.

Health. This section of the Medium scares me.

Sara thinks fat people would live longer if everyone just liked them and no one makes good clothes that fit.

Gooooo Sara.

Poetry. Never mind.

I read this shit because it’s not my day, and it’s not my life. Except for the carburetor and no one at Medium knows what a carburetor is.

Not even a weeeeeeeny little bit like my life.

Simon has decided that clothes are for very uptight people and he is pro nudist and will never wear clothes again as long as he lives.

Gooooo Simon.

Cameron vomited at the dinner table and it doesn’t look like the meds are working.

Gooooo Cameron.

Jacob got thrown by Ellie, a horse, and his eyes are crossed. Or it could be a prank.

Gooooo Jacob.

Diego has anal gonorrhea and has monopolized the bathroom.

Gooooo Diego.

Callen’s mother died in prison, and Callen could give a shit. I think he said fuck her.

Gooooo Callen.

James has started building an airplane in the barn so he can fly to Brazil where the drugs are better.

Gooooo James.

Dequain got on the Internet and I have received over 300 messages by pissed off sex workers. Whatever.

Gooooo Dequain.

Cort has been throwing his HIV meds down the toilet if Diego hasn’t been shitting in it.

Gooooo Cort.

Simon has been walking around with an erection.

Gooooo Simon.

Ellie refuses to allow Jacob anywhere near her.

Gooooo Ellie.

Joel stole three Road Rippers from Toys”R”Us, and now I have to take him and three toy cars to Toys”R”us where they will completely understand.

Gooooo Joel.

Blake is thin as a rail, weighs eighty pounds, and I found Ex-Lax chewables in his sock drawer.

Gooooo Blake.

Morgan is failing high school and he tells me now. It’s back to home schooling for him.

Gooooo Morgan.

Trigger wants to apply for a job at a nuclear power plant.

Gooooo Trig.

Booker has now taken to wearing women’s clothing. He has never had fashion sense on a good day.

Gooooo Booker.

This was a very, very, very sedate day.

At the end of the day, I take my iPad out to either the dock or the barn in the dark and I get to read the Medium and chuckle chuckle.

Gooooo Medium.

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