The “Art” Of Earning Trust Through Storytelling — A Remarkable Thread Unpacked!
In this article I’ll discuss “big failures” and how to overcome them whilst showing you just how to ‘hook’ your audience with a masterclass in vulnerability, trust and empathy.
I was browsing twitter one evening last week and saw the most remarkable thread from Farnam Street (Shane Parrish) that displays everything outlined above.
You know when something hits you, it strikes you to your core because it is real, this was one of those moments for me.
Shane delivers such incredible value through storytelling and because he’s captured your attention through his display of vulnerability you are paying full attention.
This exchange is powerful for all the right reasons and it also provides a lesson in how to use storytelling to built trust with your audience.
Here’s the thread (read below for context)…
“This morning at breakfast my two kids asked me if I had any “big failures” this year.
And it got me thinking that you (on social media) only get to see the wins, not the failures.
So let me tell you about one of my biggest flops this year. It wasn’t the only one — but it was a big one.
I was supposed to be a guest on @StevenBartlett.
I went to NYC. I showed up … and bombed the interview. It was bad. Really bad. It was even worse because I admire Steven so much.
I remember walking away asking for a copy of the audio because I thought it was that bad. They decided it wasn’t good enough to air. It was that bad.
I might be ok at giving an interview but I sucked at being interviewed. I was a terrible guest.
I beat myself up the whole flight home. That little voice in my head wasn’t very kind.
I needed to fix this and fast. While this was the first interview, I had over 40 interviews coming up in the next two months.
Two things helped me.
1.
I have a 24-hour rule that I got from Bill Belichick. I can beat myself up (or feel good about myself) for 24 hours. Then I move on.
2.
Since I wasn’t beating myself up anymore, it was a lot easier to look back at what happened (which is about the worst thing that could have happened in that situation) and focus on what things I could do to make sure the next interview was better than that one.
I wasn’t looking for perfection, just progress.
- I cleared my calendar for three days.
- I went over the most compelling advice I give in private — the stuff that sticks with people and helps them. Stuff like positioning over predicting and gas and water.
- I went over stories with my kids that protect their privacy but also show you how I put Clear Thinking into action at home (this became the basis for the parents’ guide). I went over stories at work. I went over stories with friends (while respecting their privacy).
- I rehearsed my stories. I wanted to make the ideas sticky. I changed some language.
- I recorded myself (over and over) answering common questions and listened to the words, pitch, and how much energy I had in my response.
This is the work that no one sees. The work I should have done before I went on Diary of a CEO and embarrassed myself.
By the time the next big interview came around with @tferriss, I was ready.
I’m still not as good as I want to be but I’m better than I was. And that’s progress.
We all have setbacks.
How we respond makes all the difference. The worst way to respond is to let a temporary setback become a permanent one.
Instead of focusing on the “big failure” (as my kids call it), focus on the things within your control that you can do to improve the outcome — even by a little”.
The thread unpacked
Now let’s explore what Shane so expertly did here….
The Hook
He begins the thread with ‘the hook”.
“This morning at breakfast my two kids asked me if I had any “big failures” this year.
And it got me thinking that you (on social media) only get to see the wins, not the failures.
So let me tell you about one of my biggest flops this year. It wasn’t the only one — but it was a big one.”
Not only is it suspense filled, but it’s personal, emotive and reflective.
Often our deepest hooks are those that show vulnerability, they let us in, they allow us to see ourselves in them.
This is how we connect on a more personal level.
There is also a build up, Shane pulls the reader in with the promise of spilling the beans on his “big failures”.
This is a huge topic and one that as humans naturally inspires curiosity, it piques our interest, grabs us by the dopamine spike and reels us in. Hook, line and sinker. We’re all yours now Shane.
The Build Up
This is where Shane really delivers the goods and puts our senses into overdrive.
“I was supposed to be a guest on @StevenBartlett.
I went to NYC. I showed up … and bombed the interview. It was bad. Really bad. It was even worse because I admire Steven so much.
I remember walking away asking for a copy of the audio because I thought it was that bad. They decided it wasn’t good enough to air. It was that bad.
I might be ok at giving an interview but I sucked at being interviewed. I was a terrible guest.
I beat myself up the whole flight home. That little voice in my head wasn’t very kind.
I needed to fix this and fast. While this was the first interview, I had over 40 interviews coming up in the next two months”.
Shane tells us how it is, “I went to NYC, I showed up…and bombed the interview.. I had over 40 interviews coming up…”
Not only is he inviting us in, giving the big picture of his failure, but he’s going somewhere we all want to know, he’s detailing the stakes. He didn’t only bomb the interview, the future success of what I am presuming is for his book launch hangs in the balance.
These are the stakes, he lays it out, he’s authentic, this would be hard for anyone to deal with let alone put it out to the world publicly.
Can you imagine putting this out there? It’s bloody brave.
He’s showing us through his example how to be vulnerable in failure and also earning deep trust at the same time because it’s SO real.
“I beat myself up the whole flight home” — this is relatable, understandable, we can feel his pain, because we understand this because we’ve all been it in some way, shape or form.
Whilst battling this inner voice it’s compounded by the pressure of having an amazing opportunity and blowing it. We feel for him and as a result of his honesty our trust is earned.
We are also more curious….whats going to happen? Is he going to quit? Will he bomb the next interview? How will he overcome this? It’s like the hero’s journey. This is rock bottom. The abyss.
When I read through the comments on the thread, they were also intriguing and interesting, one states…
“Telling this story is hard for 99% of humans. -You earn trust by being vocally self-critical. -Story is the means to an end.”
The lesson here is, you can help others by sharing your experiences, when you get real, you get trust.
But Shane doesn’t stop there, he details out how to actually overcome and tackle the problem. This is exemplary. It stands out, because it is different.
It’s not normal. Most people in Shanes world would post the link to the episode if it was good but hide the show if it was bad. Shane is doing the opposite and this is exactly where the value is.
The Transformation
We want to read on because of the promise of the fix.
I needed to fix this and fast. While this was the first interview, I had over 40 interviews coming up in the next two months.
Two things helped me.
1.
I have a 24-hour rule that I got from Bill Belichick. I can beat myself up (or feel good about myself) for 24 hours. Then I move on.
2.
Since I wasn’t beating myself up anymore, it was a lot easier to look back at what happened (which is about the worst thing that could have happened in that situation) and focus on what things I could do to make sure the next interview was better than that one.
I wasn’t looking for perfection, just progress.
- I cleared my calendar for three days.
- I went over the most compelling advice I give in private — the stuff that sticks with people and helps them. Stuff like positioning over predicting and gas and water.
- I went over stories with my kids that protect their privacy but also show you how I put Clear Thinking into action at home (this became the basis for the parents’ guide). I went over stories at work. I went over stories with friends (while respecting their privacy).
- I rehearsed my stories. I wanted to make the ideas sticky. I changed some language.
- I recorded myself (over and over) answering common questions and listened to the words, pitch, and how much energy I had in my response.
This is the work that no one sees. The work I should have done before I went on Diary of a CEO and embarrassed myself.
Shane did the work. He went into the abyss and came out stronger, transformed. The revelation is revealed in that last sentence, “The work I should have done before…”
He shows us what to do, how to prepare properly to avoid this, it can be applied to all areas of life when we have some monster of an opportunity to get after.
He got clear on his best “sticky” pieces of advice, whittled them down into fine specimens of razor sharp advice like arrows he could fire from a bow, practised them, nailed them, owned them.
Shane got self critical, recorded himself, improved his energy, mastered his delivery. This is so much more impactful. You can feel it when you read it that he’s taking the steps to improve and his performance will be remarkably better the next time around.
This is where he gets momentum. By taking action, relentlessly, doing the work before it’s required, he’s changing his future.
The Return
What happens next is just gold!
Steven Bartlett responds to the thread, here’s Stevens reply…
Steven gives us an example of earning trust through empathy.
By taking personal responsibility for the show and reflecting on what he could do better he demonstrates empathy, high standards and contemplation.
This is the way you respond to someone putting themselves out there. Bravo Steven, you legend!
As a podcast host you are a vibe artist and Stevens’ display here on the thread is commendable. It takes guts to put it out there and take responsibility.
Steven creates opportunity and meets Shane with genuine desire to try again.
This thread demonstrates two of the most beautiful conversations, deep reflection, real talk and what goes on behind the scenes, the stuff we don’t normally see, for us to learn from. It stood out.
Thank you to you both for putting it out there for us to witness.
