Deep AF Porn Comments

Like many people I know, I fell into a bit of a depression around November 9th of last year. After waiting 18 months for an exhale that would never come, I began having panic attacks in crowded spaces like movie theaters and subway cars. Those have thankfully subsided, because of a cocktail of pharmaceuticals I’ll probably be on until that birther goes back to his shitty game show. However, I’m still left with a lingering disappointment that the solutions to our greatest challenges won’t come from Washington over the next four years.

So as I thought about what I could do to affect change in the world, I remembered something that I often have to remind myself of. It’s not about me. I don’t have the knowledge or technical knowhow to solve the world’s problems, but someone out there does. So to find these solutions, I asked some big questions at the largest cross section of modern American society: porn. Specifically, porn comments. It is here that people are judged not by their race, religion, or political ideology, but by how much they did or did not approve of that blowjob. It is here, in the comment sections of PornHub videos, that I’ve been asking questions about the future of human civilization under the screen name “ProfessorSex88” for the past month. Understandably, there was some resistance…

Now frankly, I get where CallMeJuicyJay is coming from. These are tough questions, and we don’t like it when they invade corners of society we’ve created to avoid thinking about them. But if we want to live in a nation in which solutions actually come from the people, we all need to start thinking about these issues. So without further ado, here are some illuminating discussions I had with people that clearly just masturbated:

Space Exploration

Universal Basic Income

Medicine

Religion

Virtual Reality

Economics

Thanks to Lisa Burton and PornHub.