New Study Confirms Ladybugs Can Save You Money
An interesting study published today as Dr. LoveJoy, leading Zooligist at University of Washington, claims that each time a ladybug lands on you, you save an average of 14.73$. In a repeated study, LoveJoy tracked the financial accounts of a control and an experimental group. The control group was instructed to avoid ladybugs at all costs, while the experimental was told seek them at all times and purposefully try to become their landing surface.
As the study continued participants, and indeed LoveJoy himself, saw an average increase of 14.73$ in their respective bank accounts after each lady bug encounter within the following week of contact. LoveJoy noted that the size, weight, charisma, and general level of attractiveness of the ladybug seemed to affect the relative payout. The highest recorded payout peaking around 20.03$, with LoveJoy noting “that ladybug was an outlier, and was way too hot for her own good.”
Neuroscientists confirm these findings stating that contact with ladybugs release two distinct brain chemicals: Norepinephrine and Dopamine. These brain chemicals are responsible for motivation and focus within the brain and could explain the resulting heightened financial acuity observed in the experimental group.
While not verified empirically, the control group conversely seemed to display a dramatic decrease in sex drive, intelligence, and an exaggerated shift in political orientation to the far right. These results, while inconclusive, lead Dr. LoveJoy to believe that ladybug contact may serve as nature’s Barry White and have innate prosocial components. Furthermore, Dr. LoveJoy asserts that ladybug deprivation can “turn you into a dick.” .
At the end of the study, one participant in the control group could be quoted saying, “I have no interest in sex anymore. Bad hombres are out there and we need to find them and deport them.”
Another interesting development centers around Dr. LoveJoy himself whom now has a multi-billion dollar net worth and has since left his wife and children to “find the mermaid he lost as a child”. While this study was far reaching and thorough, more research needs to be done on the longitudinal effects of ladybug contact.