Your Adult Friends Are Lying To You.

They are. They are lying to you about almost everything. I don’t mean in the super Russian spy novel way. Or even in the sleeping with your spouse way. Although I don’t actually know your friends. I mean in the little white lies over, and over, and over again way. For some reason we all tell tiny little lies to each other. I am sure there are countless numbers of reasons for doing this. However, before we get to the why, let's talk about the how first.

Here is a short list of the things your friends are lying to you about RIGHT NOW.

  • Their income
  • Their kids grades
  • Their kids achievements
  • Their feelings of security
  • Their feelings of love
  • Their feelings of success
  • ALL THEIR FEELINGS
  • Their past
  • Their grades
  • Their eating habits

I believe the lies start small and start early. What begins as the tiniest of lies about making it to second base in middle school, manifest themselves as ego protecting shields about almost everything. We never talk about our income for instance. We always just use the crap we each buy as some weird gauge to compare each other. As if owning the latest Chevy Tahoe is some confirmation that we all make more money than each other. I see the same comparison of stuff all over the country. The cars change. The homes change. The schools change. But the comparisons we all make between us with respect to the cars, houses, and schools remain. Don’t even get me starting on the amount of Caymus wine pictures on Facebook. It’s just another confirmation of wealth. Or so you think. Everything starts to work like this. Since we don’t share the god’s honest truth about who we are, we are forced to put these indicators out there to our friends to prove we belong.

That is my rub. My rant, if you will. The more you chase down the details. The more questions you ask your friends. The more you are going to find a lack of authenticity in their portrayal of their life to you. The more you are going to find out they are just plain lying to you.

When you get down in life, and I mean really far down, you start to notice all the things you do and don’t share with your friends. “I lost my job” is one of the weirdest things to say to people you call your friends. Your family is easier, but your friends will surely judge you. Right? We all think so anyway. In fact, the best way to see what things your friends are lying about is to think about the things that YOU are lying to them about.

In the end, I wish us all one thing. I wish we could all develop meaningful and truthful relationships with more of our friends. I have a precious few of them, and cherish them now more than ever. I challenge you to a small but important test of your current friendships. If you just lost your job, which of your friends would you call to talk to? Who would help you? Who among your friends could you turn to for advice, comfort, or even just an ear for your pride? If any of your friends don't make the list, they aren’t friends at all.

Here’s to friendships,

Timothy

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