Paul, I agree with most of what you have said. Shame is lethal, the way we deal with shame is shameful! I think there are two concepts that I struggle with. first you say “We humans have a remarkably counterproductive habit of trying to numb shame by going back to the thing that triggered our shame. If I’m feeling bad about myself for looking at porn, I’m more likely to bury the feeling by looking for more porn. It can create an unhealthy cycle that acts like addiction.” The issue I have with this comment is that what you describe is not like addiction, it is addiction! Addiction is the self defeating cycle of self soothing with something that creates a need for more self soothing. Whether that is an alcoholic in a bar overcoming his shame with a beverage, or a meth addict who can not get out of bet without a fix, or a “lust” adict who uses pornography to self sooth (we don’t say “beer” addict or “vodca” addict, why do we call it a “porn” addiction when in realitiy it is the lust that fuels the activities of pornography consumption, masterbation, objectification, etc.) So are porn and lust addictive, and possibly the new drug? Yes they are. Is shame the primary driver that takes the beautiful “physiology” of procreation and turn that into lust? You bet.

The second concept that I am concerned about with your article is the notion that just because something is physiology it is ok. But rats who have no morality or religion get addicted to cocaine because of their physiology. All addictions are connected to some degree with physiology. I guess what I am saying is that physiology is not a justification. The bottom line is what you do with arousal determines if it feeds your carnal man or not. I agree that arousal is not the issue, just like hunger is not the issue, just like prescription medications don’t make one an addict. The issue is, when arousal takes place, do we use that to feed our carnal man (lust), or do we use it to build a beautiful bond with our spouse or partner with whom we are engaged in a long term meaningful relationship (romantic love). If it is lust, then the light of christ will make us feel guilt which becomes shame when we don’t address it. Frankly I agree with your assessment that we the LDS community are a shame promoting culture, which is kind of funny because it just means we don’t really understand the atonement…but that is for another rant.

The bottom line is that I think this is full of good stuff, but A) the cycle you describe is addiction, it is not like addiction. Fortunately all addiction cycles can be broken. B) just because we are physiologically wired to feel arousal does not make misuse of that arousal (lust) ok. When that misuse leads to the objectification of women (coveting), hiding the truth (false witness), and honoring the lust above God (worship of false gods) then it is lust, and that does promote shame and that begats self soothing behaviors which often result in more shame.

Hopefully we all can escape the clutches of lust, I for one appreciate Elder Callister’s comments, although your further explanation (especially the driving analogy about context…that is pure gold!) is definitely useful and powerful