Why me?
Is religious life running away or running towards?

Often, I fear of drifting to far into the thoughts behind this question.
If I chose to accept this hidden voice calling me to more, then what happens?
I am afraid that my parents may see me trying to escape a real life.
I am afraid that my parents won’t understand why.
I am afraid that my parents will think that they didn’t do their job well.
I am afraid that my siblings will judge me for not following their example.
I am afraid that my siblings will see my life as an insult to their own life choices.
I am afraid that I actually am running away from my family.
I am afraid of the loved ones who I’ve hurt in this.
I am afraid of the judgment I’ll receive from the majority of society.
I am afraid that I will not be a good religious.
I am afraid of the responsibility that this life entails.
I am afraid of my example possibly leading others away from the Truth
I am afraid of letting my superiors down.
I am afraid I will not absorb my studies well enough.
I am afraid I will not constantly strive to increase my prayer life.
I am afraid I will neglect someone who needs my attention.
I am afraid I will continue to fall into sin.
I am afraid that I will struggle to grow in virtue.
I am afraid.
In spite of these fears, I am excited.
How can I not feel a tremendous joy in the potential of a grace given, recognized, and accepted by so few?
How can I not strive to be the best I can be for others?
How can I not accept this gift and offer myself in exchange?
How can I not suffer and thus sacrifice everything?
How can I not live to follow the Example?
How can I not be a better son to my parents?
How can I not be a better brother to my siblings?
How can I not be a better grandson, nephew, uncle, cousin, and friend?
How can I follow a will that is so beyond anything I could imagine?
How can I not befriend someone willing to lay down His life me?
How can I not become who I am suppose to be?
Which is when the questions arise.
Will I be able to overcome my fears?
Will I be able to live up to the expectations?
Will I be able to be the example my siblings need?
Will I be able to turn away from a lifetime of sin?
Will I be able to follow His will perfectly?
Will I be able to truly give myself completely without a second thought?
What can I offer to Him that no one else can?
Why not someone else?
Why me?
To all this, I reply with a simple consecration. I am a humble servant. I will live for Him who died for me. Why a religious life, when the entire world screams against that? Why not? My life is no longer why own, but His. Let my life be done according to His will.
I offer Him my will, my intentions, my desires, all I posses. All I ask in return is the grace of His perfect love and to be a true example of that Love. I ask for the grace to follow His will perfectly. All of this ask through His most precious name.
Amen.
