McDonald’s is putting new COVID measures in place to combat what it internally could be the worst stage of the pandemic yet

I miss going to bars. The nostalgia is as damp as that overpriced watered down tap beer that inevitably topples over your shoulder and onto your wrinkled second hand Ralph Lauren polo creating a tie-dye mess, a magnetic allure so powerful that the barbaric imbecile who soaked you squirms in agony as each drop of their identity disperses into cotton oblivion. I miss the vibration of anxious heels clamping down against sticky floors disguised as desperation. I miss the dancing rhythmic serendipity, the captivating obscurity of broken conversations riddled by a techno holocaust of noise. I miss bars, not for the hangovers, but for the hangouts with complete strangers. There’s a safeness and saneness in the flashing spectrum of circling in Dusk, never too far from a basement, or a back alley brawl. Saliva dripping down my chest, creased slacks, taking a second mortgage out to by a few rounds, waking up with regret, I miss it all.

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I miss concerts. I miss tailgating concerts. I miss getting lost in a parking lot, being bumper to bumper, and hearing the brutal popping of nitrous balloons from magma-hot metal. I miss thrusting my dirty hands into an unsuspecting Yeti cooler, springing scraps free, and leaking perspiration from raw determination into a medley of melting ice. I miss the old gut bucket punch, when sour beers tasted like they smelt. I miss the build up, waiting in line surrounded by a forgiving fence of dreadlocks. I miss not thinking that’s weird — that’s suspicious. I miss inching forward and standing on my tippy toes to see how much further we had to go, needing to piss, wanting to get pat down and physically assaulted. Hurry up, let’s get this fucking over with. I miss the absolute complete liberation of seeing a ticket scalped off of some shady hustler from behind a dumpster actually scan, the seas parting and the humdrum of anticipation cooing like a subdued chorus of cicadas. I miss climbing over seats, beach towels, and all of the sleeping, contemporary ‘merican monks. I miss the explosion of sound: people cheering, crying, laughing, singing, all completely inaudible, yet, the foundation to keeping the song alive.

I miss wanting to go home and not dying to leave it behind. I miss the warmth of familiarity and the welcoming signs of leaving everything else I love for a moment of rest and relaxation. I miss kicking off my shoes into a heap by the door and thinking to myself that’s where they belong; after all, shoes are easier to put on when you already have one foot out the door. I miss looking out my window and not seeing a jail yard, a secondary house of overcorrection. Don’t you know the repercussions to being institutionalized? Can’t you see the horror and desperation in my wife’s eyes when she comes home from work as an essential? This is no way to live. We are confined to a pressurized cabin of insanity. They should permanently leave the flag at half-mast.

I miss getting gas. I miss stopping at the pump and being like are you kidding me, how much? I miss slamming my door shut and walking up to the store. I miss single trips. The simple idea of turning around to get a piece of cloth to hide the creases of where I used to smile is enough to make me sick. This is new, but it’s nowhere near normal. We are just supposed to accept it as normal. Business as usual. No, business is unusual. I miss my glasses not fogging up just because I’m breathing. I miss not having to smell my own rancid breath after crushing a gallon of coffee and a crate of Purell-laced tacos. Why any woman would ever want to kiss me blows my mind. I hear myself exist and it burns my eyes.