Open Letter to My Craigslist Troll

Hello again. Thank you for yet another inquiry. And to answer your question, no, you’re not imagining things! The 100% real (bonded) leather recliner you saw advertised on Craigslist, the one whose lineage you were so concerned with, the one you said didn’t look like it was worth $40, much less $400, the one I told you over and over and over again had been sold, is officially BACK ON THE MARKET!!!!!!!

Believe it or not, it really was sold for two days to a nice man who runs a homeless shelter in Minneapolis. Yet just when we thought we’d said goodbye to good ol’ Squeaky forever (Don’t worry, Squeaky only squeaked when Bob and I had sex on him, which wasn’t often and we’d always put down a blanket. LOL!!!!!!!!) this guy comes banging on our door to return him, grumbling some nonsense about Squeaky smelling like cat piss and cheese, blah, blah, blah. Some people, right!!??

Squeaky smells fine to me! And why didn’t he notice the smell BEFORE he tied Squeaky to the back of his pickup and drove him clear across town in the pouring rain? Like I said to the guy yesterday, we only have six cats, and they are all — every, single one — litter box trained. And even if they weren’t, we’d never let them get their paws on Squeaky. The only animal in our home who was ever allowed to sit on Squeaky was Lucifer, our Saint Bernard, and the only thing he ever leaked on to that chair was drool. Anyway, I know for a fact Squeaky didn’t smell like pee when he left our house because I doused him in about a gallon of Febreze the night before.

Long story short, I’m happy to say that your persistence has paid off: Squeaky is all yours!!!!!!!!!! (For $400 cash, of course)

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