7 Steps To Getting Laid At A Wedding
1. Make sure you’re on the list.
First and foremost make sure you’re invited to the wedding. This may seem like a no brainer, but many times people assume they will be automatically invited to a wedding by default without keeping the friendship updated. Sure, you and Mikey have been close friends since little league and have been through thick and thin, but you two went to different universities and made new friends along the way. Notice Mikey’s been in a 3 year relationship and traveling to exotic destinations with Allison — time to dust off the cobwebs of your friendship before he pops the question to her. Remember: if you don’t take initiative then his douche bag frat brother Tyler will get the invite before you, leaving all that glorious wedding poon for him to enjoy.
2. Dress the part.
Congratulations! You’ve been cordially invited to Mikey and Allison’s magical wedding blah-blah-blah, whatever. There is still much to be done my dear pupil. Now, any proper wedding invitation is going to inform you about the festivities and the dress code for the event. Is it formal, cocktail attire, or black tie preferred? Is the wedding and reception outside or indoors? What time of year will it all take place? Make sure you read the invite carefully. You don’t want to show up to church wearing sandals and linen if it’s not a beach wedding, nor would you want to wear a wintery wool sports jacket to an outdoor summer soiree. Nowadays most couples create a wedding website where you can gain more information, so there is no excuse to be dressed inappropriately. A fresh haircut, beard trim and proper grooming go a long way too.
3. Eat with a strategy.
The day is finally here, put on your game face boys. The wedding ceremony is over and you’ve made it to the reception. You’re looking dapper and you’ve already scoped out the single talent in the group. Hopefully you get seated at a singles table, if not you can find the singles primarily at the bar (more details to come in step 4). If the food is served buffet style there are many opportunities to show off your charm while in line. Feel free to shove your way in front of that punk Tyler to strike up conversation with a hot single girl. Introduce yourself in a charismatic way. Ask her what she’s eating and if you can help out by holding her plate or serving the food to her. Even if she’s sitting at another table you’ve already planted the seed for later. Good job. Another important thing to keep in mind during this step is watch out for what and how much you eat. You definitely want to get some sustenance as you will be drinking heavily throughout the night, but stay clear of foods that give you bad breath or gas. Try and avoid the garlic mashed potatoes and broccoli no matter how delicious they seem to be. We’re on a mission here — treat yourself in the morning to a great meal.
4. Frequent the bar, but know your alcohol limit.
It’s party time. Everyone has eaten and you’ve endured the terrible speech from the maid of honor (who’s actually not looking too bad). If you haven’t already had a drink or two during dinner, now is your opportunity to make up for it. Pick an alcohol you can drink all night without getting sloppy. Remember: we came here for reason and never let that slip your mind. Since it’s still early on in the evening you can propose a round of shots to spice things up. This will show her you’re fun and like to party. Shots are great because they can also include a group of people, and we’re definitely trying to get her girlfriends to like you too. Afterwards try and stick to one type of alcohol.
5. Boogie on the dance floor.
This is an absolute mandatory. You’re already liquored up, right? Then there is no excuse to not get out there. You don’t have to be a contestant on Dancing With the Stars to impress her. As long as you’re on the dance floor, move your feet a bit and twirl her every now and then you should be golden. If a dance circle forms don’t hesitate to grab her and do a little jig in front of everyone. This will not only flatter her immensely, but will also directly show Tyler that she’s off limits and he lost his chance.
6. Take photos.
See the wedding photographer nearby? Grab them to get a photo of you two. Photo booth’s are the ultimate game changer. Suggest going to the photo booth with her and her friends. Take some group shots and act silly. When the group photos are done, however, suggest that you now use the photo booth with just you two. It’s here where you can lay on the game hard without coming off as creepy or awkward. Suggest posing like James Bond and her being the Bond girl so you can put your arms around each other. Suggest “kissy face” so you can lay one on her cheek or her on yours. Since it’s a playful and silly thing you’re both doing there is no threat to her and she’ll actually think you’re extremely fun at this point. It’s so easy. Even weddings that unfortunately don’t have photo booths, you can still recreate all these poses with cell phone selfies, which is great because you can then say “oh that’s a great one, text it to me.” You now have her number, you’re welcome.
7. Get a room.
If you’ve followed these simple steps then you will have made it to the ultimate moment of truth. She’s already into you. You have both danced, laughed and drank the night away — a real Cinderella experience. The party may have ended, however this Cinderella’s fun is not over yet. Time to invite her back to your room for a nightcap. Hook, line, sinker. Congratulations my friend, you have successfully scored at a wedding.
