Ableism, or, This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

In terms of years, 2016 hasn’t been the worst for me, but it hasn’t been the best either. I’d compare it to doing a triathlon, like IronMan. Only, before that I was sitting on the couch, occasionally stirring a pot of spaghetti sauce on the stove, which brings me to the question I asked.

What was your favorite song this year?

You would think we could talk about that without devaluing the lives and participation of disabled people.

Heh. You’d be wrong.

A couple of friends mentioned that their favorite song of the year was, “Rise Up” by Andra Day. Of course, that meant I had to listen to it, so I looked for it on YouTube. I picked the official video, which is labeled in parentheses, inspiration. I suppose that should’ve tipped me off.

The video begins with a beautiful woman lying in bed. She does a little morning stretching and goes and looks at an iPad or some other kind of tablet. When it says, “I’d like to take you on a date today,” I think, maybe someone has texted her or she’s doing Internet dating.

Then, I realize that the part of the video that is her male partner in bed is supposed to signify that he can’t get out of bed because of his disability. His dress uniform from time in the service hangs in the closet, further suggesting that his disability is acquired and that he was once a hero.

Let’s talk specifically about what ableism is.

Ableism is a system of thought or biases that places preferential value on able bodies and low value or no value on disabled bodies.

Look, I get it. Most able-bodied people would prefer not to be disabled, they suppose. The part that’s harder to measure or harder to imagine is the idea that disabled bodies are not worse; they’re only different.

Most people, though, don’t choose their disability. They experience it as sort of factory installed. The thing that’s challenging on top of body differences is really finding barriers to participation and barriers to being included.

In the video, we pan out and see that the tablet with the message on it is connected to a wheelchair.

One thing that gets me is that the wheelchair can only be pushed from behind by an able-bodied person. Lots of people with degrees of paralysis use a kind of joystick that has a straw on it so they can use their breath and mouth movements to run their own wheelchair. But, this poor man, a prop in that kind, helpful, compassionate woman’s story has to be pushed.

The video actually twists song at this point. She puts him in his chair; she gives him a shower. These are the things for which she will continue to rise up.

Really, y’all?

Setting up the story in this way does another disservice to disabled people. Disabled people have contributions to make that are real. Setting it up as helper and helped basically says that he is a lot of work and doesn’t bring much to the relationship because it can’t be demonstrated. Emotional labor is discounted. Intellectual labor is discounted. Affirmation and validation are discounted.

She becomes the hero for giving her disabled partner a shower, at the same time that he becomes an object. Valuing caregivers is important, but it’s important because of who they are and what they do, not because they care for such poor, pitiful cases.

There is even a moment in the video when the couple actually goes on the date. She gets out of the car and crosses paths with another man: he takes the time to ogle her appreciatively. (Yay, sexism? Ew.) The subtext is that she could be with anyone, but she chooses to be with wheelchair man.

My partner chooses to be with me. We divide labor in our relationship in nontraditional ways. But, if they treated me like an object of their help, I wouldn’t be down for that. This isn’t to say that they don’t support me robustly; they do. They do that while they treat me like a person of my own. They would also tell you that I support them honestly and generously.

Ableism tells you a story that disabled people are an albatross around your neck. It’s ableism that tries to say that my experience is only as valid as somebody else says it is. Forget about it. Amazing song, though.

I’m going to rise up