Each month my company hosts “data drinks” an employee ran happy-hour at the office. This Thursday was my first data drinks and the end of my 1st month. On the week I started that thursday’s data-drinks turned into our CEO’s birthday. He had his daughter there, it was Stars Wars themed, and he gave a sweet speech. He had a great quote from that quick talk where he said something that really resonated with me.. “software is the ultimate creative medium for the 21st century”. Longform blogging was my first truest medium. The medium in which I first really found and formed myself. But that was xanga, and this is now.

Twitter was similarly a big part of my life for a long time. Too big. So big it wasn’t good. I became much too consumed with it way too often. I don’t know what else to say about it except I embarrassed myself worse than ever on it this Thursday. And I pretty much decided I was over it awhile before returning to do it dumber than ever. However others see it, or consider it compared to things i’ve said or done on twitter before, that was the rock bottom of it for me. I don’t know that I’m done with it, but it’s definitely time to move on, if not permanently, at least in some significant way. Like a lover you’ve got to let go because you’re not good for eachother anymore, as good as you might have been, and it’s not going to get better without growing another way. I’m tempted to delete it, the whole account, not just specific tweets like I vowed I wouldn’t at one point. I’ve already archived it and just want to deactivate it and start a fresh. A new clean slate for my life.

Anyways. I think longform blogging is better than twitter in a lot of the ways that are best for a person. Longform blogging leads to deeper thinking. Without the restriction of 140 characters you can create full thoughts, not to mention complete sentences. I love good soundbytes and twitter is perfect for them, but I’ve really got to think more thoroughly before I type, and write something that’s been truly thought through like structured sentences help you to.

Writing helps me make sense of me and my world.

I take the time to step back, sit down, and think about things in ways that make sense. It’s a medium of self expression that helps me explain things, to myself as much as anyone else.

Some things I want to think through rather than tweet most recently include:

power couples..past lives..finding beautiful spots, congregating with beautiful people..the best good is beautiful..beaches, parks, and pooches

On power couples..the concept, experience, and possibilities of being a power couple really influence my life. emotionally, unforgettably, and positively. I’m a big believer in the rule of twos, the idea that it takes two. The lucky majority of us have two hands, two feet, two eyes, two ears, two nostrils, two nipples, two balls/ovaries and of course, most extra-ordinarily..two parents.

“The One” is reserved for gods, heroes, and soul mates. And soul mates take 2. I remember hearing somewhere soul mates is 2 people finding their counterpoint in eachother. However the quote went exactly I’m not sure but I know it came from Wedding Crashers. A cheesy soundbyte for love, but impactful enough it left a memory.

I don’t know about counterpoints per se, but I do believe good couples beautifully complement each other. They fit together like pieces of a jigsaw to become a beautiful representation of love. They show people how to love. They embody and emanate it. They represent the best of humanity, they are beautiful lovers and the world benefits from that beauty and love by proximity.

I understand energy never disappears it just disperses. It disintegrates and reforms but its always flowing and changing and taking new forms and bouncing and reverberating but never dying. Energy is eternal and we cant create it in, only channel it and how we channel it determines whether we dampen or amplify it… at least from what I think I understand regarding what science says about energy.

That said (whatever that was) power couples are such stars. The love they share, that you can feel, is what powers the best of existence and humanity, of life itself. Among many things, love is life’s best battery, but you’ve got to find the AC to your DC.

On past lives..I believe in them. And I believe in lovers from past lives. And I believe that there are people in my life who were past lovers, who I love, but know we’ll never be lovers in this lifetime. For whatever reasons we’re meant to play different roles in each others lives this life around. The same is true of men, I’ve met men who I’ve loved like brothers almost immediately, like I knew them faster than I could possibly know someone. An uncanny feeling of mutual recognition and connection, as if they were in the trenches with me in some past life, lighting my cigarette for me in that life as I may be doing for them in this one.

This concept of soul mates reminds me of a quote I posted in my 2nd tumblr post when I first started but kept private. I’ll see if I can find it and use Medium to share here:

Working with someone who feels like a soul mate is the ultimate. Finding them in the workforce is one thing, but regardless of where you meet, working with them really drives home the feelings of the possibilities — imagining all you can accomplish together and neither caring who gets the credit, because you did it together and everythings better for it and you couldn’t have done it without eachother regardless ..and you celebrate it by making love and falling asleep together at the end of the day..then waking up with all that strength and beauty in your arms the next day, together. That’s what he means to-get-her.

On finding beautiful spots and congregating with beautiful people.. That’s what it’s about. And beautiful people can make the ugliest spots beautiful just as beautiful spots can make people feel and act beautiful. We are a product of ourselves and our environments, and it’s a 2 way street. Finding beautiful people in beautiful spots is one of the most beautiful things. It’s the pot of gold, the ultimate discovery, the end of the rainbow to some suddenly undeniably beautiful journey. It’s one of the best feelings of urban exploration.

On the best good is beautiful.. really good people and places are beautiful regardless of how they look. Looks are deceiving. In fact, sight may be the most misleading of the senses. Real good beautiful you feel. True beauty is something that can’t really be seen, only felt, and I think the world would be better off for seeing beauty like that. The phrase “I see you”, especially from a stranger, is a special remark of recognition that doesn’t feel to far from “I love you”. And it’s got to do with that feeling, you feel me?

On beaches, parks and pooches.. these are a few beautiful things outside of love i really love. my pooch especially. albeit he embarrassed me at the park today. but i could have handled the situation better and that’s what was so embarrassing about it. But he was awesome at the beach and even though all the seawater he lapped up against my advice made him sick and yak in my car it was a beautiful day i never wanna forget and know i wont.

So much to be said about beaches and parks and saint nick my dog that I can’t go on about them right now. that’s another entry for each, certainly when it comes to nick.

Anywho, this was a beautiful weekend that came after maybe the most embarrassing night of my life, and that’s in spite of the fact I was actually pretty decent at the work event. That was an unforgettable thursday night i’m determined to never repeat, always remember, learn from and do better foreverafter because of. It was so bad it’s inspiration and motivation for a new direction. The kind of rock bottom I can bounce off of, and I’m so grateful the universe provided that bounce this weekend.

How close I was to leaving 1015 folsom on friday is indicative of how fine the line is between the bad and best times. somethings are out of your control, i can’t be a control freak about life, i’ve gotta have faith and trust it will work out ..while doing the right thing to increase the odds of good things happening. and when bad things happen, blame nobody except maybe myself, but when good things happen, i’ve gotta publicly appreciate it and let that happiness grow out of the love i feel.

I’m so satisfyingly exhausted from this weekend. It had it’s far share of drugs, alcohol, song, dance, stories, interstellar, talks, new faces, nick time, sea, sand, sun and lack of sleep. It was what I needed and what I wanted in one weekend and I’d like to acknowledge that with some public gratitude. What’s more, I want to put what I’m writing in the context of how I’m feeling, because nothing affects ones writing more than how they feel. How you’re feeling can make you say things you don’t mean or believe, which are the most regrettable statements. Not to provide a disclaimer for all this, because this was all positive even if it wasn’t on point.

I’ve been talking pretty hippy dippy here and I haven’t had a chance to reread anything i’ve wrote to see if it makes sense or how it sounds but the idea was to get it out ..and honor the last few days, the beautiful and the ugly, with a few words.

Thank you.

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