I Quit Smoking

I have not smoked a cigarette in one month.

For all the support, I’d like to thank my girlfriend, my roommates, the dozens of you that have reached out in solidarity, and the endless, evermore violent and disturbing fantasy I’ve conjured wherein I corner an executive of Big Tobacco- this half-dead, grease-lipped trust fund toddler — verbally exhausting every vile and hurtful curse and insult I’ve ever heard, and even ones that don’t exist, touching on appearance, mental and physical health, race, creed, sex (seriously, I’m talking about slurs that don’t even exist yet… my anger transcends contemporary hate speech) until he crumbles into a sweat-stained puddle of his own mess. I am spitting and red-in-the-face and tears stream down my cheeks and I hate it but I’m killing him and I know that on some level, even if it doesn’t feel like it now, I am the moral victor of this travesty. I know this as I literally stomp him into the ground; he is the final butt. I imagine you cheering for me, though I know you are scared and ashamed. I apologize to you and then I do it again.

I’d also like to thank Smoke Free, which is a very helpful free app available for iPhone and Android. 4.5/5 stars.

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