It’s nice to see a kind comment from another southern atheist! I found a lot in common with your de-conversion story as well. I held onto my faith for a couple years after I stopped fully believing — more out of fear and family tradition than anything else. I also understand how you feel about some atheist groups. Most of my family and some of my friends are still Christian and so I don’t feel comfortable with groups that are extremely hateful. That’s the stereotype of atheists, and I don’t think we need to perpetuate that!
I’m also a non-binary trans person with anxiety (probably not on the level of your kid’s though), so on a certain level I can also understand longing to be part of a group and also being afraid of groups. I wish you and your family the best and hope that your kid can find a place where they feel comfortable. I know how important belonging is. Thank you for taking time to comment! ❤