I can relate to this fully. I grew up in a toxic environment. My mom was a fundamentalist christian who stood behind a pedophil while he molested nearly all of my siblings. Needless to say I moved out as soon as I could. I had dropped out of high school and did not bother to get a GED. I was car-less, I couch surfed, worked in a paper factory, took anything i could to live on my own. I landed in a room i could not afford with people whos only priority was to numb their own pain and party every night.
I was a product of my perception of my own self worth.
I was always coding. Since i was 13, I was building websites and remember stealing the phone jack from the kitchen and running a long cord into the computer in the other room to get online and interrupt my sisters phone calls. dialup… damn what a memory… anyway… This was something that was a part of me. an extension of myself that was, could, can… make an impact.
At one point in time, after looking online at loans to not get evicted, I decided to build my portfolio. I worked in coffee shops and locked away in party houses putting my soul into it. I put my resume and (at that time) crappy portfolio out to recruiters.
I landed a temp position, they let me go in 2 weeks, i didnt know what i was doing. I landed another, I lasted a month. I got an interview as an entry level web developer, I lied that I had some college and had real coding experience and luckily they didnt check.
I busted my ass on the job and would stay up half the night if there was something they wanted me to do that i didnt know how to do. I was there for 4 years and finally left being lead developer.
At that same time, I met someone who loved me for me, I got an apartment that was my own and started I started to release the baggage and perceptions of who I thought I was and aimed at BEING who I wanted to become.
Fastforward and I am 12 years from when I landed my first dev role, I am the director of technology at 1 billion plus company have a house in the neighborhood Ive always wanted to live in and have a great wife and 3 awesome kids.
When you overcome this mountain, you will be the strongest professional around. Nothing has been harder for me then these situations but out intense pressure, diamonds are born.
You are absolutely right, if your intentions are to “get it” you absolutely will. The universe has a way of shining its light on those that set the right intentions. Live yours now. Go after all paths and keep your head down until you look up and realize your living your intention. Your story just did that for me. Thank you.
