I wonder what you’re doing right now.
I don’t really know what I believe at this point. I don’t know if there is a shiny heaven you go to where you see everyone you love and are happy and complete. I don’t know if there’s a hell that you burn in because you were a bad person all your life.
(I don’t think you were a bad person. I think you were pretty great. You always made my day brighter when you were in it.)
I don’t know if you just cease to exist and all there is is black.
I don’t know. I really just don’t know.
I know what it felt like to get the call. I know what it felt like to not believe. I know what it felt like to cry when I said the words and just knew. I know what it feels like to relive the last time I saw you over and over in my head. I know what it feels like to wish I could have done something — anything. I know that I miss you. I know that I wish you hadn’t.
I hope that wherever you are, you’re happy. I hope you’re at peace. I hope that whatever demons plagued you in this life disappeared when you left it.
It doesn’t make it better. It doesn’t bring you back.
I keep your memory alive by singing ‘Strawberry Wine’. I hope that wherever you are — somehow, someway — you’re singing along too.