Marriage is for Grownups Series: Why Long-suffering and Lasting Love Go Together

By: Tamika Morrison OKELEKE

Listennnnn! Forget the happily-ever-afters and the “love at first swipe” fairytales. Real love is a journey, and sometimes that journey gets bumpy.

This is the Marriage is for Grownups Series, where we’ll ditch the fluff and explore the challenges and rewards of building a strong, fulfilling marriage.

I am your dedicated ‘Grown-Up Love’ mentor and an advocate for Divine Femininity. Married for over three years, I’ve learned that real love requires both passion and perseverance — cuz life is gonna “life”. PeriodT.

Dispelling the Myth:

Today’s topic? Longsuffering in marriage. I recently saw a post by a single influencer who equated it with putting up with cheating and abuse. Honey, that’s a recipe for disaster, not a recipe for love! If that was the real definition, this sista wouldn’t be here — because who needs that kind of foolishness?

She lacked the experience to see beyond her narrow interpretation. That’s when I felt compelled to step in and chime in. Now, I’m not saying a healthy marriage is about suffering in silence. If that was the case, this Sista right here would still be single — because, WHO?

So, what does longsuffering in marriage really mean? For us, it has meant developing patience, compassion, and growing personally alongside each other.

Redefining Longsuffering in Marriage

Think of it like this: marriage is a journey, and sometimes that journey takes a detour through challenging times.

Personally, it has been about having the strength to navigate those bumpy patches with your partner, even when you wanna scream. Enduring that season or seasons that are inevitable in marriage without throwing in the towel.

Building Muscle, Building Love:

The more you work through challenges together, the more resilient your love becomes. Think of it like building muscle — the more you exercise, the stronger you get.

It’s also about understanding that people mess up. There will be miscommunications and disagreements. Did I also mention you have to be willing to apply automatic forgiveness?

But you can emerge stronger as a couple through open communication and a willingness to learn from each other. The more you build on the muscle of longsuffering the more resilient your relationship becomes.

Setting Boundaries:

Now, before you start thinking I’m advocating for some passive-aggressive “wifey” behavior, let me be clear: there’s a limit. Of course — There. Is. A. Limit.

If your partner’s behavior is destructive, it’s time to re-evaluate. However, for the everyday challenges of married life, longsuffering is the key to building a love that can weather any storm.

This is where you learn to create healthy boundaries — but even that won’t be easy!

But look in the mirror first — we teach people how to treat us so if you’re experiencing that kind of betrayal, you’re betraying yourself first in many ways. But that’s a post for another day.

Now, that’s a marriage worth fighting for, wouldn’t you say?

Let’s chat in the comments — what are your experiences with longsuffering in your marriage?