THAT VOICE HEALED ME.

Mutiara Tambunan
Aug 27, 2017 · 3 min read

Few months ago I followed a trainee program. The trainee is so far away from my hometown, another island but still in Indonesia. First reason why I allow myself to join this trainee because I want to challenge myself that I can live, stay or at least ever lived in a place maybe I say it “town” that left so far away from a metropolitan city, such a primitive one (not to be racism). And then I realize that this is really not what I thought. It takes one day and a half from the airport to finally reach the SITE ( the trainee place, the plantation) and during the long ride I see the massive palm oil plantation, I was waahhh welcome mutek to a new world. Basically I have no background about palm oil plantation like my father’s job, my uncle’s job, my major or my close friend. Nothing so POL is really a new thing.

That’s my first impression. And the next impressions always surprise me, and come every day. Anything, whatever that’s about the company, the owner and directors, managers, the culture in that place, the people, the hopeless they feel to the company and everything make me think again and again then ask myself “so am I right to do this? Or not? did I finally do something right for myself, for mylife?” taking a decision is not as easy as I thought I want to challenge myself. I need a courage to live this way. Honestly I say my little me, we are not supposed to be here. It’s not going to be easy. I can’t. I say I can’t. This is a surrender. Poor me. If I can turn back time. -_-

Day after day I was trying to deny the reality, I was trying to feel the moment where I belong. Playing with My friends the other trainees, I feel the good air in this place, the air in the morning is so perfect, I was standing in the bitting wind, the sunset in this place is so perfect. Ahh this one bless my eyes with the beauty of the sky, the composition of the colour just perfect.

Knowing others background, where they from, what they do before, who is their boy/girlfriend, their hobby, passion make me more realize every human being is special. We don’t know their fight, what they have been through, their struggle and their happiness.

Knowing the other culture, their language (I just know two or three words. Haha), the way they see and act to people, how they make a wedding party and so on. Having a chance to know these things just make me think it’s not 100% a wrong decision. Well but still I think.

But after all, one thing I never felt before in my entire life is that, when you really want to tell your story, your feelings, the wrong decision you’ve made, but I just can’t say it to my parents. Why? Because that will make them worry, goddamn worry about me. That’s not a good idea. I don’t want it happens. They are my love in my life, they both are my inspiration and motivation. And calling them via phone, listen to their voices, knowing that they are fine, really fine there, really out there (because I’m too far away) just make me feel OK, their voice tell me everything will be OK, they give some good energy. Even when I write this I smile, remember that moment. Thank you. You both give me courage till know. I don’t want to make them worry about me. Their voices healed me. I call them thrice in a week. A long phone call with parents is good tho. When you phone call your bf/gf and talk in couple of hours, it should be more with parents. Why not.

Tell them I’m fine and know everything is alright at home, I have some good energy to live this life, this is still nothing, this place, this so far away place, this ambitious company, the people who work full of sincerity and honesty, whisper to me indirectly let’s see what happen next. Let’s see the beautiful things will come later.

)

Mutiara Tambunan

Written by

im trying to write. and still trying~

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