[Spoilers ahead for Desert Golfing.]
So, how do I play this? There are no instructions.
Ah, I just swipe to set the angle and strength. Pretty simple.
Hm. The sand has a lot of friction. I’m learning some tricks, like “putting” by aiming slightly into the sand, to better control the ball.
Okay, I just beat hole 18.
Oh wait what?
Hole 19?
This game seem to just keep going on. Okay, I guess I’ll just keep playing.
Oh man, that one was embarrassing. Used way too many strokes. Wish I could try it over. But I can’t. There is no menu button. There is no restart button. There’s only one thing the game presents me: Hole 29.
And so I just play the next hole.
Some holes are easy. Some holes are hard. Either way, I only have one chance at each hole, and then I have to move on.
Soon…
Hole 498 is pretty rough. After many tries, I eventually figure out that I can first hit it into the second pit, then slide it back up the slope a bit, then sink a perfectly measured shot right into the hole. That was a gorgeous shot. I’m so proud of myself.
But I get no “achievement unlocked”, no bonus or high score or powerup.
The game just quietly adds to my total strokes.
My only reward? I get to play the next hole.
Hole 499.
Hole 500.
Hole 501.
Hole 601.
All I know is how many strokes I’ve taken total. Everything else is just a memory. I start celebrating every 100th hole like a birthday, take stock of how I’m doing. 1511 strokes for the first 600 holes. 2.52 strokes per hole average. Not bad.
Oh man oh man that was a rough one. Gonna be 26 strokes total for one hole. But you know what? 1537/601 is still 2.56 strokes per hole. I’ve only increased my average by 0.04. A few rough patches don’t really make a difference in the long run. The important thing is to just do better in the future.
2.49 average over the first 1000 holes. See? I’m doing better! A few double-digit holes don’t mean much if I’m consistent most of the time.
Using all I’ve learned, I’m even able to conquer doozies like hole 1572.
There’s always too much momentum dropping off the ledge. Had to bounce off the far edge to get that one.
2.38 average in the first 2000 holes! I’m still improving all the time!
But… is it just me, or is the game subtly changing color? What could that mean?
Turns out, the 2000s are the crucible. The real challenges.
51 strokes on hole 2058. No sweat. The first 2000 holes prepared me for this. I’m ready.
31 strokes on hole 2303. The toughest challenges are the most memorable.
From one hole to the next, there is no perceptible change in the background color, but pretty quickly we’ve gone full purple, without even noticing! It’s only when I look back far enough that the changes become obvious.
Hole-in-one on hole 2645. Not every success has to be preceded by failure. Sometimes, all that practice — and a little luck — do pay off. But no time to celebrate. On to the next hole.
Hole 2866. I’ve heard legends about this. I’ve heard that it was meant to be impossible.
But my perseverance pays off, and I get through even the seemingly impossible.
And soon, the 2000s are over.
I’ve made my way through the entire spectrum. I don’t really care about my average any more. Getting past those holes, and feeling like I did my best, was its own reward.
The game slows down in the 3000s. The holes aren’t as interesting now.
I hear rumors of a mysterious hole “3xxx”. Apparently it is a land that some enter and never leave.
But I get lucky. I hole-in-one and move past it without ever realizing how close I was to certain death.
Instead, I easily arrive at hole 3301, and the world looks like this now. Every hole from here on out is flat. Every hole from here on out is boring. Each is indistinguishable from the next. The game lasts forever, but its vitality does not. It’s like the game is asking me, “Why are you still playing?”
There are some who never want to quit. There are some who think there must be more to this game, who have played over 5000 holes, no matter how monotonous. But that is not for me. There is no point to playing the game now, when there is no challenge, when there is nothing new.
And so I let go.
I’d like to break character here to say a couple of things:
First, I’m not sure if it was intentional, but the three different “endings” of the game — 2866, 3xxx, and the intentional “fade-out” boringness of the later 3000s — are fascinating metaphors for different forms of mortality. Not what I expected when I started playing!
Second, the basic message I’ve learned from playing Desert Golfing is something that has truly affected my life. Lately, when I come upon some challenge, some frustration, I think to myself, “This is just like Desert Golfing. Don’t fret too much about how well or how poorly you just did. Move on to the next hole.”
Update: After I wrote this, the developer released an patch so that the late game holes, instead of being monotonous, stay a bit more interesting with randomization. I guess it lets people play it more as a game, but I feel like it breaks the “art” of the game a bit, so I won’t be amending my original post.
Desert Golfing is a game by Justin Smith, aka @manbearcar
I also highly recommend his game No Brakes Valet.
