As a young boy, I got into Pornography and could watch porn numerous times a day. A picture or video of ladies showing more-than-normal cleavages here and there and I am on fire — looking for the next route to a porn site. I wanted to stop. I really wanted to. But everyone who is addicted to one habit or the other knows that wanting to stop is the last thing you are reminded about when your urge comes knocking. You only get the “Oh God I just did it again, why am I like this!” feeling after you are done.
So I began asking. How do I stop? And not just stop, how do I stop permanently?
My desire to quit pornography and all my other habits was really deep so I decided to embark on a long-but-highly-worth-it journey to learn all about habits and how to quit them in general.
“Why was quitting just so hard?” I thought.
I began jumping on everything I could find. I read numerous research papers. Buried my head in tens of articles. Watched so much videos than I can count. Took 14 courses and emailed 43 experts.
Most of the things I read, heard or listened to were either too bogus or impractical but I really wanted to stop. And you know, as they say, once there is a will, there will always be a way. I continued my findings and soon landed on some beautiful works and began trying everything in it on myself.
I turned myself into the Laboratory Rat, the Laboratory Scientist and the Research Study. All three. I would learn a certain hack and immediately try it on myself. If I stopped my habit for a few days or found a way to control my urges. I would jot what I did down. I kept on doing this day in day out and was soon able to quit all my habits successfully. In other words, I found a “miraculous” way to not engage in Pornography and all my other habits.
I was excited. I knew a couple of people who smoked, drank alcohol and took drugs and thought to test the potency of this “formula”. So I handed 3 of them this formula. And 4 days after, at exactly 10:34am, the guy who smoked (that I sent the formula to) sent me a message on Whatsapp saying he was now able to control his urge to smoke and has gone two days without smoking. The guy addicted to Alcohol sent me a similar message. It was insane. The happiness I felt was beyond this world. I then automatically became a default Habit Coach and a go-to expert on Habit Quitting.
Someone unknown to me would just slide into my DM on Facebook or Instagram and say someone told him about how I helped him quit his habit and that he should meet with me if he was serious about quitting. I will give this person (people actually) this formula and then in a few days, I will get a message from him (or them) on how they have finally been able to quit their habits using the formula.
This went on for weeks until one day when it dawned on me that I could help millions of people around the world quit all their negative habits if I packaged this habit quitting formula into an ebook. And that I immediately sought to do. I began writing an ebook that has now being launched and sells for ₦8,050. The ebook title is “The Ultimate Habit Quitting Formula” and has been selling an average of 162 (sold 171 copies yesterday) copies daily to people in Ghana, Nigeria, Kenya, Belgium, The United States, New Zealand and everywhere really. I also get an average of 76 emails daily from all these people talking about how these formula helped them quit all their habits permanently. You can purchase your copy of the ebook right now by following this link.
I don’t know how you found this page but as the title reads, “Tutorial: How to Quit your Unwanted Habits Permanently” so I am supposed to teach you how to quit your habits in this article and that I would do. You should only get my ebook if you are really serious about quitting your habits permanently as I am more detailed in the book and went very deep in showing you real world strategies and shortcuts that can help you quit.
I will be as detailed as possible in this tutorial but I obviously won’t be able to cover everything here as there is just a lot to know when it comes to quitting all your unwanted habits permanently.
In my addicted days, the ultimate thing I thought was the key to quitting all my habits was Willpower. I.e stopping and controlling myself from quitting my habits using my will. But I was very shocked when I figured that it is not even in the equation to quit at all. This was crazy to me and made me quickly realize why it was so hard for me to quit. I wasn’t using strategies.
To succeed at (and in) anything in life, you need strategies. Concrete strategies. A well-defined path that you can take that ultimately leads to the actualization of your goals and dreams.
Look back at how you passed your college exams. How you made your first million. How you found the love of your life. Look back at everything you ever attained in life, one thing you will always notice is that you did “certain” things to get the things you eventually got. Those “certain” things are called strategies.
To quit your old habits, you must use and apply strategies.
The primary thing to know and understand is how Habits works and how they are formed.
In the 1890s, there lived a Russian Physiologist, Ivan Pavlov, who was researching salivation in dogs in response to being fed. He inserted a small test tube into the cheek of each dog to measure saliva when the dogs were fed (with a powder made from meat).
Pavlov predicted that the dogs would salivate in response to the food placed in front of them, but he then quickly noticed that after some time, his dogs began to salivate whenever they heard the footsteps of his assistant bringing them the food. He was shocked, paid attention and soon discovered that any object or event which the dogs learned to associate with the food (such as the lab assistant footstep) would trigger the same response. He had his “aha” moment, realizing that he had made an important scientific discovery of which he would dedicate his entire life to study in full.
What Pavlov discovered is something Psychologists call Classical Conditioning. An English dictionary defines Classical Conditioning as the use of a neutral stimulus originally paired with one that invokes a response, to generate a conditioned response.
Pavlov was still interested in this so he decided to try something else. He decided to design an experiment using a bell as a neutral stimulus.
He would give food to his dogs, and immediately ring a bell. He kept on doing this and soon his dogs associated the sound of the bell to them receiving food and would now begin to salivate at the sound of the bell feeling like they had eaten.
Pavlov experiment opened our eyes to a whole new way habits are formed. Just like Pavlov’s dog, we all link certain cues to certain behaviors. For instance, if you spot two people, a man and a woman bending their heads and coming closer to each other, you instinctively believe they are about to kiss each other. What has happened is that, in your head, just like Pavlov dogs you have linked the bending of their heads to kissing because you have seen it over and over. That is how habits work. You see/hear/feel something, react a certain way and then get a certain reward/feeling and once you do this over and over again, you have a habit, something you now begin to do effortlessly.
Just like I said earlier, willpower is not part of the equation for quitting unwanted habits. It really isn’t. You can’t “will” yourself to stop a habit. Like most things in life, you need a strategy; you need a way, a plan to follow to actually succeed at quitting a habit. And not just quitting but quitting permanently. Again, if you are involved in one or two habits, then you know that those two are very different things. Quitting and Quitting Permanently.
In my quest to figuring out how to quit my habits permanently, I learnt that there is something called “The Habit Loop”.
The Habit Loop is a repetition of the following: Trigger (Cue), Behavior (Routine) and a Reward. (you should jot this down)
Pavlov’s dog sees the assistant or hears his footstep (trigger); expects food and salivate (behavior); gets food, enjoys it (reward). He repeats this and the dog is conditioned to always expect food when he hears the assistant’s footstep. The Habit of expecting food when he hears the assistant footsteps has being formed in the dog.
Let me relate this to you.
Let’s assume you smoke (habit). You see someone smoking or you feel stressed or depressed (trigger); you pick a cigarette and smoke (behavior) and then nicotine is released into your system which makes you feel good and relieved (reward). You do this 3–6 times and you are in a loop that is insanely hard to come out of. That is how habits are formed. The reward (in your case — the nicotine in the cigarette; and in the dog case — the food) is what ensures we repeat this behavior. Our brains love the feel good chemical being released into it, so it remembers what allowed it to get it the last time.
The conversation in your head goes like this:
“Oh, Tobi you feel stressed.”
“Yes, I do.”
“Have you forgotten how you got out of this ‘stress’ some time ago?”
“No,” you respond.
“I remember — in fact, it’s vivid. I smoked cigarette,” you add.
“Oh good. Well-done for remembering. Now pick another cigarette and get out of this mess.”
Our brains instinctively yearn for us to pick a cigarette the moment we are triggered because of how good it made us feel the last time.
We know why this happens. Our brains were wired to behave like this I.e easily perform a behavior after a trigger effortlessly so we could save time and easily find food and reproduce — which was — and is still essential to our survival.
The idea of having dopamine released into your system every time you did certain things and thus yearn for it was so you could do the things that are tied to your survival and existence effortlessly and unconsciously.
We are walking in the desert and we pick up a fruit and it feels good.
Our brain immediately shouts — metaphorically — This fruit is good! It will help you live long! Remember this fruit and where you found it. So we lay this down to memory and store everything from how we found the fruit to how the fruit tree looked like so that when we find this fruit tree again, we remember it instinctively and race to eat it.
Do you get it? So you can eat, become stronger and live longer.
Same with sex. The feel good feeling we feel after having sex ensures that you will have more sexual intercourse. This was designed so we could reproduce and forever continue the human race. If people didn’t feel good after having sex, they would definitely not do it another time and this is risky as that means we won’t reproduce and the human race will go into extinction.
The feel good feeling we get is what ensures we do and partake in our habits the second time, the third time and then the hundredth time.
And what’s interesting to know is that every single habit is coined and works this way — even the ones that do not look like it. Every single habit. From eating obsessively to smoking to nail chewing to taking alcohol. They all follow the same Trigger (Cue) — Behavior — Reward pattern.
When you pick up a cigarette and smoke it, something called nicotine is released into your system that is highly addictive and causes you to repeat the same behavior.
When you mindlessly watch porn all day and ejaculate. Dopamine, a feel good chemical, is released into your system which then guarantees that you will watch porn again and again anytime “you are not feeling good.”
Is that part clear now? Do you now understand how habits are formed? The habit loop, beginning with the cue and then the behavior and most importantly the reward is what ensures we never quit any habit easily as the rewards we get subconsciously begs our brain to ask for it over and over.
So to quit our habits, we have to do two things. Figure out our triggers and the reward it gives us and then use what we find to quit all our habits.
Again, I am leaving some things unexplained as I am unable to go really deep here but you can get the ebook by following this link. In the ebook, I dived all in, leaving no explanation to chance and arming you with enough strategies you can use to quit.
So as I said, for us to quit, we need to first understand our triggers. Our triggers, I.e what prompts us; what causes us to engage in our habits; what causes us to pick up the cigarette in the first place; what causes us to type our favorite porn website address on our browser; what makes it hard for us to take our eyes off the alcohol bottle.
When you ask most people why they smoke or engage in their habits. They quickly respond: “I just do it” or basic answers like: “I do it when I am bored”. But what is unknown to them is that there are certain cues that always prompt us to engage in our habits.
Life is all about cause and effect. For something to happen, certain things has to happen as well. So the reason you engage in your habit is way deeper than you think. Your triggers are not just “being bored”. Your triggers are way deeper than you think.
We can get these triggers by asking ourselves certain questions that provides clarity on why we engage in our habits.
1. When? (the time) Look at the times you did this habit. Is it 3 in the night? Around the afternoon? When do you feel like engaging in your habit. Jot this down.
2. Your mood at the time (look for how you were feeling when you did this habit). Were you stressed? Were you hungry? Were you happy? What were you feeling as at the time you engaged in your habit. Jot this down too.
3. Where you were at the time (look for where you most likely are in when you engage in your habit). Outside? In the bathroom? Anywhere? Jot this down as well.
4. What was happening around you at the time? (Were certain people around you? Did you see a certain thing? Look at what is happening around you when you engaged in this habit.)
Take your time to think about those questions. If you are unable to get it now, wait till you experience the urge to engage in your habits and sit down to answer these questions.
So you can get these questions clearly and know how to answer them, let me use my pornography habit (I used three other habits to explain this in my ebook) to explain this.
1. When = at night. The time I watch porn is mostly at night. Night because I mostly have free browsing at night; because the internet is fast and more so because that is when I feel the horniest.
2. My mood at the time I watch pornography = when I am confused, horny, stressed, tired and have nothing doing.
3. Where I am usually at when I watch porn = when I am in a dark and quiet place where I can hide my phone from the rest of the world. I value my reputation so I will most likely never watch porn when people are there (you see why I talked about you knowing your ideals and standard earlier on (PS: I talked about Ideals and Standards in the earliest chapter of my ebook before moving on to Triggers. You can get the ebook here).
4. What is happening around me when I watch porn = when I see something that communicates sex at all. E.g: I see a pretty girl and I am thinking of the best sexual position to have sex with her, so I am like: Position 69 will be good and then I say let me see how position 69 is done and boom! I am in. Or when I am simply confused, depressed, alone, and guaranteed no one is watching me.
So the moment you are able to break things down like this, the habit become a tad easier to quit as you are now fighting it with logic and a strategy.
So I am assuming that you now know your triggers and all the factors that causes you to engage in your habits. Let us now proceed.
As I said earlier, to quit your habits successfully, you need to know your triggers and then the reward you get when you engage in your habit and then use that information to create a plan to quit all your habits permanently.
If you remember the Habit Loop we defined earlier. The reward we get from our habit is what ensures that we will engage in it another time.
The nicotine released into your system is the reward you get when you smoke and is what ensures that you smoke later tonight, tomorrow and every other day after it.
The dopamine released into your system when you masturbate after watching pornography is what ensures that you will watch porn today tomorrow and beyond.
Our brain loves how it felt when we got those rewards so at every step of the way it wants to experience that feeling again. This really is what makes habit quitting hard.
Again I am skipping a couple of things as there is a quite a lot to talk about so if you want a detailed and well written formula, divided into chapters, subheadings etc then you should get my ebook. You can get your own copy by following this link.
So to quit your habits, what you need to do is figure out your triggers (which we have done) and then figure out the “underlying” rewards you get from your habit and then design a go-to action, a behavior that gives you a similar reward your habits gives you.
And to figure out your underlying rewards, you need to ask yourself certain questions.
In my ebook, at an earlier chapter before the Triggers and Behavior and Reward chapters, I explained that 99% of the time the reason we engage in our habit is ultimately to get ourselves from a certain state (mostly undesired) into another state (desired). If you did the exercise on figuring out your triggers then you may have figured this out already from this article.
“Her boss talks down on her yet again so before going back to her office, she strolls to the toilet to smoke some cigarette.”
“He sees all the workload he has to engage in and thus become infuriated so he grabs some bottles of alcohol to get himself into a happy or neutral state.”
So from your discovery in figuring out your triggers, one thing will be essential to help us figure out our underlying rewards and then create a plan.
“What mood you are usually in when you engage in your habit”
I will use my pornography habit to explain this as well. (I used 3 other habits to explain this in my ebook)
If you remember the breakdown of my own triggers above. I engage in my pornography habit when I am confused, stressed, tired and have nothing doing.
Now the questions to figure out your underlying rewards.
1. Does engaging in your habit change your mood? In my own case — does engaging in my habit take away the confused, stressed or tired feeling? Or does it still remain?
2. What in your opinion do you get or feel when you engage in your habit?
3. Can you get what you feel in your habit from a similar but harmless behavior?
Let me now answer them respectively.
1. Yes. After ejaculating, I feel less stressed and more revived.
2. A feeling of being renewed. No longer stressed.
3. Ehm… I can play a video game instead since my goal is to become less stressed. I could reach out to a loved one instead and gossip all day since my goal is to feel renewed and excited. (P.S: I wrote a detailed way you can get the behavior to do in my ebook) by using something I called “The most important trigger”. The theory is that at some point — maybe in a plane, or at a meeting — we were able to shun our urges and not engage in our habit (unknowingly) because of certain factors. I explained this diligently and very deeply in my ebook which you can get here)
So basically the hack is this, you figure out ALL your triggers, figure out ALL the underlying rewards your habit gives and then use that information to design a certain behavior (as stated above, I taught in detail — in my ebook how to get this certain behavior) which will be your go-to action the moment you are triggered to engage in your habits.
So in other words, you are to replace your old habit with your go-to action and then repeat your go-to action over and over until it becomes permanent and with that become free from your habit forever.
I am glad you have come to the end of this tutorial and even though it is a summarized version — hope you found it useful. I skipped so many things in this tutorial and I am sure you can easily figure that out by looking at the list of chapters in my ebook outlined below.
• Understanding Habits and Addictions
• My Story = Your Story
• First Things First!
• The Trigger!
• Behaviors and Reward
• The Power of Intentionality
• The Formula
• The External Forces
• The Bad Days
There are underlying things and more advanced strategies you need to know to make this process of quitting less stressful and seamless and that is why you should get my ebook as I covered everything in it.
In my ebook, I outlined a detailed formula you can use to quit all your habits.
After reading my ebook, you will learn in detail:
• Habits and how they are formed.
• Why they have been so hard to quit.
• The belief system that guides habit quitting.
• How to reengineer yourself to be able to quit habits in a jiffy
• My own journey to quitting 4 other habits.
• The ultimate formula to help yourself and others quit any unwanted habit.
76 people who send me return emails about my ebook daily cannot be wrong AND… just so you know I have a refund guarantee so if after reading my ebook and you feel it is not the best thing you have ever read. You can write me and I will send you a refund. You really have nothing to lose and everything to gain.