Thanks everyone for all of the claps! I'm so glad this information is helpful for writers!
Very powerful, I felt this in my gut as I was reading. I don't think you should forgive yourself for anything. A relationship is two people, not one person. I highlighted a few parts of your story...and I completely relate to what you said about refusing to tolerate unacceptible situations. Since my divorce 5 years ago Ive become a totally different person with much greater boundaries who will actively defend my own well being and interactions with others. I write about the aftermath of my own divorce here: https://medium.com/@toddwardphd/finding-myself-after-divorce-d34803a51e4c
I relate so much to this! Especially the "built on fear" part. If I'm honest with myself I got married more because that's what was expected of us, and I was afraid of being alone. 11 years later, we were divorced. I'm interested to hear about what happened to you after your divorce. For me, I totally lost my identitity for a while. I wrote about it here: https://medium.com/@toddwardphd/finding-myself-after-divorce-d34803a51e4c