Oh shit I’m THIRTY today, here’s what I’ve learned about life so far…
Today is my 30th birthday (!) and it’s got me thinking rather philosophically about my life, my achievements, my age, my perception of age, and what the next 30 years have in store for me… or what I have in store for them.
I’m completely fascinated by psychology, relationships, people, communication and culture so get ready for some deep philosophy here. Yes, friends, I can hear you groaning and rolling your eyes, “Tom’s getting all deep again,” but hear me out.
My goal in life is to simply enjoy my life. My second goal in life is to influence others to enjoy their life. I hope to encourage people to do what they really want to do rather than what they are expected to.
So here’s 6 things I remind myself of every single day to help enjoy the ride…
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WE DON’T NEED TO FOLLOW THE PATH LAID BEFORE US, WE CAN MAKE UP NEW RULES
It’s very easy for us all to inherit how we should live our lives from those around us – parents, friends, society, religion and even governments influence how we should and shouldn’t live our lives.
In my western society for example I’ve been taught that I must go to primary school, secondary school, college, university, get a masters if I want, get a job, then spend decades and decades working really, really fucking hard until my body is so tired and old that I just can’t work anymore and finally I’m allowed to retire and use all that money I earned to start enjoying my life.
Except my parents taught me one thing that’s subsequently lead me to question the whole of society and the way it wants me to live my life. They taught me, quite simply, a passion for discovery and learning. And it’s a powerful thing.
Every day I question why. Why are things done in certain ways? Why is “that’s just how it is” accepted as a form of argument? Why are some people homeless? Why is there inequality? Why are some people dicks? Why are some people lovely? Why do employers praise working late? Why do I have to wear a shirt? Why do we have to work? Why can’t I have a three day weekend every weekend? Why can’t I just go travelling?
This consistent questioning (and attempted answering) has absolutely broadened my understanding of the people around me, my relationships, my concentration on the enjoyment of my life and, finally, it’s allowed me to completely make up the next 5 points on this list…
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BE GRATEFUL FOR WHAT YOU HAVE, NOT WHAT YOU HAVEN’T
Your life is actually amazing. Be grateful for it. Be grateful for having your friends, family, culture, society, health and your mind. Some people at this point will think “yeah but other people have X and I don’t have X.” Shut up. Stop looking over the fence to see if the grass is greener. It may well look a whole lot greener and appear way better over there but that’s simply your perspective, from their perspective there’s brown patches and your side of the fence looks way greener.
What people portray of themselves is not necessarily what they actually are or genuinely how they feel. Social media, especially, is a heavily edited version of one’s life. The same goes for celebrities. Think about some of the world’s most envied people who have been reported to have quite serious depression or worse: Kurt Cobain, Robin Williams, Stephen Fry, Owen Wilson, Heath Ledger, oh gosh there’s a whole load more.
Everyone has their own shit to deal with and you’re no worse than any one of them. My next door neighbour fell down the stairs on Christmas morning last year, snapped her spine and she’s paralysed from the waist down. You know what she told me last week? She said “I’m just happy I’ve got my husband, beautiful kids and the mental capacity to tackle this new challenge.” She’s grateful.
You’re not that bad, and if you really think you are remind yourself that you, as a human, have the incredible power to discover, learn, adapt and change most things in your life. Speaking of change…
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GET ON WITH THINGS YOU CAN CHANGE, NOT THE THINGS YOU CAN’T
You can’t change the weather, gravity, the past, time, ageing and a few other things. So don’t bother trying to change them.
Trying to change the unchangeable is simply masquerading your own denial and you’ll gradually get unhappier trying. Accept that some things can’t be changed, stop complaining about them (it’s a waste of your energy) and focus on the things you do have the power (and genuine desire) to change.
You can change your happiness, your circumstances, your future, your job, your home, anything. Here’s how…
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TURN EVERY WISH INTO A WANT, THEN WORK OUT HOW TO GET IT
Newsflash, wishes don’t simply come true with luck. Same with prayers, dreams and fantasies. They might appear to magically come true for some people, but actually those people turned every wish into a want, worked out how to get it then worked really bloody hard to achieve it.
That goes for entrepreneurs, millionaires, billionaires, celebrities, sports people, musicians, religious figures, peace gurus, successful bloggers, me, you, everyone.
So I’ve ‘mapped’ out my dream life and set myself a goal, with a short deadline to achieving it. I’m telling everyone around me about it, too, so that they remind me of it when they ask me about progress and so that they hold me accountable when I’m behind.
Wishes = Wants. Turn your life’s dream into a life’s goal, and make smaller achievable steps that ladder up to reaching your goal. Life’s not about climbing the career ladder it’s about climbing the life ladder!
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YOU ONLY WORK TO FUND THE LIFESTYLE YOU WANT, CLIMB THE LIFE LADDER NOT THE CAREER LADDER
It’s very easy to forget the sole purpose of work and that earning an income is for creating a life that makes you happy. Remember that you do not need to climb the career ladder or earn an ever-increasing salary if it therefore restricts you from enjoying life and the company of loved ones along the way.
Work really is only ever a means to an end, it is funding your lifestyle, your hobbies, your parties, your adventures, your enjoyment of life. Recognise that you do not need to work flat out for 50+ years to earn a shit tonne, retire and THEN start living your life, you can and should live the life you always dreamed of throughout your entire life.
This year I’m putting my money where my mouth is on this point. I’ve recently started a new job where I accepted the role on condition that I only work 4 days a week, not 5. I’ve sacrificed 1/5th of my salary so I can have a 3 day weekend every single weekend. Yes, I earn much less money, but I earn much more happiness and it’s so worth it.
In tandem with this, I set myself a new year’s resolution to have at least 12 ‘Epic Weekends’ in 2016 and it has been so, so awesome. So far it’s taken me to Edinburgh, Glasgow, Devon, Cornwall, Ireland (twice), Antwerp, Bordeaux, Biarritz, Littlehampton, Italy, New York and I’ve spent more time (and money) with my friends and family than ever. I have had such a laugh and it has been worth every minute (and penny) so far.
I’m earning a huge wealth (of memories) and consider myself rich (in life) and I figure that’s what life is really all about anyway.
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COMMUNICATION IS THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT INGREDIENT OF HAPPY RELATIONSHIPS
I’ve been harping on about this one for years, ever since studying psychology at A-Level. The unit about relationships and communication really stood out to me and I’ve been applying it to every form of relationship since.
I figure that if I can have clear, regular and honest communication with every friend, family member, colleague, stranger and my fiancé then we will all get along a whole load better.
Think about arguments you’ve had in the past with a loved one, your boss or with a stranger. I’d bet in most cases there was some form of miscommunication or disagreement because you can’t understand each other’s point of view.
Be clear, be honest and be regular in your communication.
I have a theory that this notion of communication for happiness and understanding one another can scale right up to entire nations, governments, religions, extremism, all sorts. Imagine if they all communicated clearly, regularly and honestly with each other. Would we all get along better? Maybe.
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SO, on this day, my 30th birthday, I’ve happily accepted that I cannot change time or ageing. I’m grateful for everything I have, I’m concentrating my energy on turning wishes into wants so I can climb the life ladder and I’m continually trying to use better and betterer communication to ensure happy relationships. But what a complete load of cheese all this is, don’t listen to me when you should be making up your own rules about life.
Here’s to another 30 years!
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