this is a story of a pain

i fall in love.

yeah, that happens. big time. i fall in love big time. it feels so good to be around people who you love and it feels so good when the person you love treat you so nicely.

i don’t have a lot of words to say.

i feel helpless. helpless because mom and dad have their own definition of providing for me. while i go out on limbs trying to survive a life with as minimum money as possible from them.

i want this thing so bad to be read by anyone. i know no one read this. but i guess there is this weird satisfaction that it probably is read by anyone. anyone at all. i will cry until i can’t cry anymore. i remember i used to do this. crying, pain was so big and i feel so helpless that i hurt myself. that i lose control. it’s just weird you know. how can world become this cruel. this is really really weird.

i am not normal. and thank you to the perfect place where i grew up. it’s a work. to stay alive and to function. to do simple normal things that most people will do with such ease.

the perfect child. all hopes and shits. i don’t think i will ever go home again. it is encourage to stay close to people who are nice to you, and it is discourage to be around people who are not nice.

it’s really funny. life.

i just don’t want to go home. i will be a servant if i go home. i pity my mom. but now is the time i make the real decision. to make it or to lose it. to make it or to lose it. to make it or to lose it. to make it or to lose it. to make it or to lose it. to make it or to lose it.

going home is not an option.

this is the story of how i meet the person i really love. and what i realize. i realize who i really am inside. and what will make me truly happy. the kind of wreck i was and the kind of wreck i still am.

never in my life, i feel so safe. when i talk to him. and when i watch him. him, just with everything he has, everything he does.

i really hope he will find a person he’s truly happy with. he really is something. he really deserves to be happy. even when that person is not me. i will celebrate with everything that i have, when he is happy.

thank the God. for making this happen. no apology for being who i really am. and i don’t need to.

this is a hard life. hard.

alone all the time is hard. i get used to it. get used to everything.

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