Enthralling and enraging in equal amounts, Vietnam’s long-held position as a travel icon is unquestionable. In no other country is the collision of Southeast Asia’s past, present and future so stark. At times, this clash can seem so confronting and confusing that even experienced travellers will want to flee for the nearest westernised 5 star hotel.

However, like most things in life, the more you put in, the more you’ll get out — and with Vietnam just a little mental preparation will set you up for the trip of a lifetime. With that in mind, here are my top tips for staying sane in this deeply confounding country:

Keep smiling

Despite the grumbles of many visitors, Vietnamese people are mostly just as friendly as their Southeast Asian counterparts. However, unlike in Thailand, Cambodia and Laos — where local residents are genuinely curious about who you are and where you’ve come from — Vietnamese people tend to ignore lost-looking foreigners.

Don’t worry though, simply engage a local with a smile and politely ask for help and you’ll receive it with a wide grin in return.

Know where you are going

A motorcycle taxi is the way to see the thronging streets of Hanoi and Ho Chi Minh. However, although unlikely, you can end up being taken for a ride and your best protection is to know where you are going and likely routes. If you think you’re going the wrong way, simply tell your driver to pull over and flag down a new bike — those that stop for foreigners should at least know the English names of and the way to the main tourist sights.

Organising for your hotel to pick you up from the airport is essential — scam taxis are rife there and, as my quickly lightened wallet can attest, far more expensive and stressful than the $5 you’re trying to save is worth.

Avoid the bus bogs

Overnight buses are a great way to cover long distances and save on accommodation costs, but make sure you book a top bunk away from the toilet (normally situated near the back). Not to put too fine a point on it, a lot of buses don’t have properly working bathrooms and the further back you are, the worse the smell gets.

Also, unless you have an iron bladder, don’t drink more than absolutely necessary as rest stops are at the whim of the driver and are often skipped completely if the bus is running late. When bad traffic added another nine hours to what was supposed to be a seven-hour trip I was very glad to only be mildly dehydrated rather than unpleasantly damp like several other unfortunate passengers!

Know when to call it a night

Vietnam has possibly the cheapest beer in the world but it pays not to overdo it. In Hanoi there is an official curfew on bars and nightclubs, which the police may turn up and enforce unless the owner has paid a suitable ‘fee’. Hiding in the dark as the club pretends to be closed while a cop car drives by has some novelty value, but it sucks when half your group gets thrown out and can’t get back in.

Pay extra special attention in Nha Trang, which leaves a bitter trail of wallet-lightened backpackers who’ve experienced the not-uncommon misfortune of being attacked by pickpocketing prostitutes — and attendant gangs — on their way home after a night out.

You are not on Top Gear

Clarkson may have done it, but he had a whole production crew and still ended up with a couple of broken ribs. Vietnam is not the place to learn to ride a motorbike. I have rarely been as scared as the moment I had to cross a traffic-light-free four-lane junction where scooters dodged each other by mere inches. The roads are truly terrifying and unfortunately the stories of tourists killed attempting a two-wheeled adventure are all too based in fact.

If you’re determined to get the thrill of a bike, it’s worth looking into the Dalat Easy Rider (dalat-easyrider.com) where an experienced Vietnamese rider will take care of the driving so you can sit back and enjoy the scenery.

Be bold

Most important of all: don’t be scared. Vietnam can seem intimidating and overwhelming at first, but keep a sense of humour and everything will work out fine. Just like the streets of Hanoi, where to cross the road you have to wade out into moving traffic whispering prayers to any and every god that you won’t get hit, the worst thing you can do is freeze. Keep moving at a steady pace and the bedlam will slowly envelop and glide around you — until magically you are right where you wanted to be without a single scratch!